Letters From NiiSan
by Katie.Madison
Summary: "Dear foolish, ignorant, adorable, insufferable, handsome, Otouto, Open yourself up to new possibilities, ask for forgiveness, accept thanks, smile brightly, laugh whole-heartedly, and find the people who truly know you, but still love you and never, ever let them go... But most importantly, my little Otouto, eat tomatoes." SasuXNaruXSasu!
1. What's Wrong With Sasuke?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto!

**A/N: **Coarse Language & BoyXBoy: SasuXNaruXSasu!

**Letters from Nii-San**

**-**_ What's Up With Sasuke? -_

Naruto was scared _shitless_ when Sasuke finally came back to Konoha.

During the war, Tobi and all of his followers had been either killed or incapacitated by the Allied Shinobi Forces. However, unpredictably enough, it was _Sasuke_ himself who had delivered the final blow in killing the misguided Uchiha during the climax of the final battle. When questioned by the village elders about the unrivaled determination with which he had fought, he had _even_ said that it was to prove his allegiance and loyalty to the shinobi world and more importantly, to his brother's cause: _Peace_.

The bastard even started a peace foundation in Itachi's name.

And although, he never 'formally' apologized to the public for all of the wrongs he did during his status as a missing-ninja, Sasuke took the time to painstakingly apologize to each and every member of the original Rookie Nine and all the other ninja, specifically those involved in bringing him back, including the sand siblings, Gai's team, all the remaining jonin and chunin who had taught them when they were younger.

So Naruto had no reason to be scared that he would leave again.

Additionally, (as punishment) Sasuke completed a colossal number of high-ranking missions; both solo and group, for free, without a _single_ protest. Tsunade, being the devious Hokage that she was, took full advantage of his uncharacteristic co-operation by purposefully assigned him horrible political missions that involved schmoozing high flying socialites who owned companies that did business in resources Konoha needed most, like raw materials and agricultural supplies. The first time she had assigned the usually anti-social man a mission of the 'political sort', everyone in the room (and Kakashi and Iruka by the windows) had watched with bated breath as he reacted by casually shrugging and quietly taking the assigned scroll and suit.

In fact, he was _so_ good at those missions that with the four he completed, he somehow managed to flirt and charm more than one hundred million yen into the Konoha economy, raising their economic status to a level even greater than what they had been at, _before_ the war. He was also set to take on three more, voluntarily!

Well, Sasuke Uchiha manipulates those fat cats in a way that only Sasuke Uchiha can. And their wives. Especially their wives.

Perhaps, that was the reason Naruto was so scared with Sasuke's return. He was scared that Sasuke would be considered as a better candidate for Hokage than he!

However, that could not have been right since Sasuke explicitly stated that he had no desire in becoming Hokage because of how two-faced most of the title-holders had been thus far. Also, although a good one, Sasuke had never liked to be a leader. He had always been (and still was) a little too self-absorbed to appreciate the title and prestige. Sasuke also hated all the added social responsibilities.

Maybe, the issue was that due to his increased self-absorption, he was becoming too involved in starting anew for himself that he was ignoring his friends and his other social responsibilities!

Although arguable, Sasuke was_ naturally_ standoffish and was not significantly more anti-social now, than he was before he left. Even if so, he had gone to great lengths to show his gratitude for the ninjas' support by scheduling lunch or coffee dates with every group to catch up on all the missed news and gossip. Tenten even claimed that he had laughed at something Rock Lee did last year that involved Neji's hair in braids and girls' clothing. While that alone was enough to shell-shock Naruto, she went on to say that Sasuke even shared with them a story about how Itachi actually let him dye his black hair red when they were five and ten.

That took more social decency than Naruto had ever dreamed Sasuke would care enough to use.

So maybe, the only _real_ issue was that Sasuke was drifting away from his best friend Naruto and acting differently around him.

This was at least _partially_ true.

These days, when Sasuke and Naruto hung out, they still bantered as usual but without the blatant need to outdo one another from their younger years or the suffocating tension from their later ones. Sasuke even went so far as to pay their weekly ramen bill without Naruto asking or pick him up after shifts on guard duty to treat him for drinks!

And as a result of carefully observing Sasuke's new tendencies, Naruto had come to the very logical conclusion that something _extraordinarily_ scary was happening to make Sasuke act this way.

So the blonde seventeen year old standing on Sasuke's roof at three in the morning with a variety of sealing, summoning, de-activation, informational scrolls and his enhanced ninja weaponry, was indeed, scared _shitless_ of what had happened, or still _was_ happening, to Sasuke since he came back.

Focusing his chakra to his feet, Naruto slid to hang upside down from the drainage pipes. He located Sasuke's bedroom window, the only one emitting internal light, and crept forward. He flapped some birds' nest to work as an auditory distraction to muffle whatever minute sounds he made, quickly pulling open the window's shutters.

Straining to see through his light-colored curtains, Naruto made out a form resembling Sasuke's, sitting cross-legged atop his bed with a glass of water in one hand and a book in the other. For the next half an hour, Naruto watched as he sat there drinking, flicking the pages and simply_ smiling_, as though he hadn't a care in the world. Growing too curious, Naruto finally pushed aside the curtains, desperate to discover what book had made Sasuke _that _enraptured and happy. He saw the notebook's cover page was blank with formal looking hand-writing on the front. It read a date from winter, three or four years ago.

He also registered that Sasuke was shirtless.

Processing that, Naruto blanched, coming to yet another _completely_ logical hypothesis.

Had Sasuke finally realized the joy of _masturbating_? Was he reading some high class version of the plot-less literary porn Kakashi sensei reads? (Poor guy never truly found a replacement for the Icha Icha ones.) Those fancy pornos are the only books Naruto had ever seen with absolutely no cover art and such serious fonts. Well, those high class pornos in the restricted section, and dictionaries, but if Sasuke was grinning like that at a _dictionar_y, than he was too far off the deep end to be bothered about anyway.

Or _maybe, _supplied his perverted brain, he was reading a compilation of all the love letters he had accumulated, since the date written on the top! Did the egotistical bastard actually have the letters binded to create an entire fucking _confession_ book? Were there other volumes, for letters from his previous years?

Naruto pouted.

Much to the blonde's annoyance, two weeks after he was officially recognized as a Konoha ninja again, Sasuke started receiving _bucketfuls_ of love letters, even more than he used to! Naruto had initially teased Sasuke, commenting that they were due to his semi-nudity, until Sasuke switched over to the basic green jacket, which somehow managed to look way more attractive than his revealing white shirt. Especially, when the jacket's fabric pulled across his tall, _muscular_ frame when he fought during their weekly sparring sessions...

Not that Naruto _noticed_ or anything.

Some fan-mail writers were _so _shamelessly brash, that they even sent him _explicit_ explanations of what they would let him do to them and how badly they wanted him to _'make passionate love' _to them.

Naruto fought the blush threatening to erupt over his face as he recalled accidentally opening, and reading one such letter that had been wrongly sent to his address. However, remembering that he read the smutty part of the letter three times over (for some _incomprehensible_ reason), his blush won the battle and spread across his face and neck, contrasting his bright, blonde hair.

He blamed it on his over-active hormones.

Clearing his mind, he began thinking, since that _always_ resulted in something logical. He knew that Sasuke had always been asexual as a young adolescent, so maybe, finally jerking a couple off had relieved him of his up-tight, snobbish tendencies?

His suspicions solidified when he saw Sasuke slide his fingers through his dark, blue hair and bite his lips.

Alright then! He was just about escape back to his own home to get in a shower before dawn (he was even considering taking up Ino's claim that cold showers help trim flab! Because of course, _trimming flab _was the sole reason why he needed to have cold shower...), when he heard something.

Sasuke _growled_, almost sounding feral, as he wrapped an arm around his own waist. Naruto's blue eyes widened as he found himself paralyzed, one foot precariously tip-toeing the ledge and one foot in the air. He stared at the book laid open on the bed. The pages were filled with a neat, perfect hand-written script so Naruto figured it was probably a rare, porn book.

Suddenly, Sasuke fell backwards, hitting his head on the headboard as he let out a deep sigh.

A really _good_, rare porn book.

Maybe Naruto would stick around and watch him finish off, _only_ to see if the book was worth a read, obviously. It's not as though there was any unresolved sexual tenses or all-consuming passion between the two...

"Nii-_san!_" ground out Sasuke through grit teeth, doubling over so his bangs covered his panting face.

Naruto whipped his head around. His jaw dropped to reach the floor and his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Was Sasuke reading his dead, older brother's _erotic _writings! What the fu- OH SHIT!

* * *

_**A/N:** You know what I've always wanted to see? Someone's thoughts as they read each chapter of this story, since there's really quite a lot of twists and turns in the plot. So you know... If you have the time and uhm... something to say... then, why don't you... review?- BUT, NO PRESSURE THOUGH. PEOPLE WHO 'ALERT' AND LEAVE ARE COOL TOO._


	2. Thirteen Inches

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Thirteen Inches... -_

"Naruto, you asshole, how long have you been standing there!?" shouted Sasuke, as he practically flew over to the ledge, fisted Naruto's black shirt and threw him onto the floor. Damn! In his shock, Naruto forgot to completely suppress his chakra.

"Long enough to know about your blasphemous, incestuous feelings, you teme!" yelled Naruto, just as hard, as he struggled to move out from under Sasuke, but he was having none of that. He pinned Naruto's hands on either side on his head.

"...Congrats Naruto, I can't believe you even _know_ the words, 'blasphemous' and 'incestuous'," said Sasuke, moving closer, "Although, you won't know your own _fucking _name when I'm done beating you up for spying on me!" he growled directly into Naruto's ear.

"I was not spying on you!" cried Naruto, twisting his head away, "I was making sure you were alright, what with the way you've been acting lately!"

Sasuke's eyes widened and he bit his lip, struggling internally. Recomposing himself last minute, he looked over at the window and asked softly, "...You noticed?"

"Hell yeah! You've been _way_ too helpful, compassionate, thoughtful and who knows what else! You might have even been singing to patients at the hospital, for all I know! You've done _way _more volunteer missions than necessary, and _apologized_ to all our old friends! Tenten even said that you shared Itachi stories with her, Lee and Neji! On a lunch date over _natto_. NATTO, SASUKE!"

There was an uncomfortably long silence in which Naruto prepared himself for an attack and Sasuke maintained a poker face.

"Seems like nii-san was right," he said, finally getting off the blonde and moving to settle back in his bed. Naruto massaged his wrists, murmuring about 'bi-polar Uchihas.' "Although, then again, has he ever been wrong?"

"Alright, Sasuke, look," announced Naruto, sitting up. He closed his eyes and took an enormous breath, "I know you've always been disinterested in girls, which is fine with me. And although, it creeps me out to say this, I am even okay with you liking your brother, like that. I mean you guys were a ridiculously good-looking bunch of bastards, with impossibly high standards, so it makes sense but I-"

_'Nii-san, somehow you manage to embarrass me, even from heaven,'_ thought Sasuke, glaring at the ceiling. He turned to the still ranting Naruto, and proceeded to throw a conveniently placed sake bottle, at his head.

Emitting a totally manly squeak, Naruto caught the bottle and was going to throw it right back but froze, noticing Sasuke's 'unimpressed' face.

"I do not, nor have I ever felt romantic feelings for my dear Aniki, contrary to what some of these girls' letters indicate in case you've been reading them_, again_," he said slowly and evenly. "I was reading this notebook Itachi had written for me when he was still alive, to share his advice."

"Eh, okay. But then why were you groaning and saying 'Nii-san' all _huskily_," asked Naruto. He focused on the completely non-sexual Uchiha crest painting just above Sasuke's bed to distract himself from blushing.

Sasuke coughed nervously, "Well, Itachi has written some _really _embarrassing things in here, probably just to tease me too, that jerk."

"Huh? What could possibly be that embarrassing?"

"The size of Kisame's dick, for instance."

"OH MY GOD, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO- Is it huge or tiny?"

"Thirteen inches and as thick as this bottle of sake."

"Shit! Damn! Wait! Why would Itachi write down the size of Kisame's dick, if the book is supposed to be about _advice_?"

"Well, my genius of a brother figured his writing style was too formal to keep his hormonal, gay brother interested in his entries, so he decided to throw in some such _lovely_ facts here and there. Like just now, I was reading about a secret experiment he did on the therapeutic value of genjutsu for trauma patients, when all of a sudden, with no warning, he mentions that the head of Kisame's dick is the size of one of Tenten's hair buns... Then he goes back to evaluating the pros and cons of the procedure."

"..."

"How am I _supposed_ to react?"

"...Sasuke, you never told me your brother was a boss."

"Fuck you with Kisame's dick, Naruto."

"Ew...He was _blue! _Was _it_ blue too?"

"That's what you're worried about? His blueness? Not the thirteen inch long, sake bottle DICK part?

"Umm... I'm bisexual?"

"_Sure_... And by the way, his pubic hairs were blue too."

"TEME!"

Sasuke smirked at the shaken, twitching blonde and returned his gaze to Itachi's thick black notebook. He pulled the book onto his lap, flipped the pages to the beginning and re-read the opening passage.

. . .

**_Dear foolish, ignorant, adorable, insufferable, handsome Otouto,_**

_If you have found this notebook, it means that I am dead and that you have finally faced your demons._

_I could not be more proud._

_However, from here on, I want you to grow into the person I believe you can be._

_I know you are incredibly intelligent and hardworking when you are determined to do something, so I have complete faith that if you put your mind to it, you can be this person and finally achieve happiness._

_Open yourself up to new possibilities, ask for forgiveness, accept thanks, smile brightly, laugh whole-heartedly, and __find the people who truly know you but still love you and never, ever let them go._

_But most importantly, my little Otouto, eat tomatoes. I'm sure you have not had the time to eat a nice dozen of tomatoes in a while :)_

_So in this book, you will find my wisdom, advice, support and love, to help you do so._

_However, if you do not want to, I cannot blame you, for that is my fault, in teaching you to live for revenge._

_You could not even begin to realize how sorry I am._

_Let alone, how much I love you._

**_Itachi_**

_. . ._

"Eh, Sasuke?" called Naruto, smiling. Sasuke looked up and realized he was smiling himself.

Shit! He looked down and schooled his face into a neutral expression, but it was too late. Naruto had closed his eyes and smiled even brighter, placing one hand on his hip, and was pointing the other hand's forefinger at Sasuke.

"Reading Itachi-san's book what is making you all happy now, isn't it?"

Sasuke began clapping very, _very _slowly, "You're a genius Naruto, tell Neji his spot's been taken."

"Sasu_ke_! I'm at least right, aren't I?"

"Yes Naruto, of course I am happy to read my brother's writings. But, all of the, I guess, _nice things _that I've been doing are due to the advice in the book not because I was just so happy that I felt the urge to hug small children. I didn't realize it would make such a big deal..."

"Teme, you can't go from being Sasuke, the Uchiha Ice Prince one day, to Sasuke, the-guy-who-helps- old-people-cross-the-road the next, and expect _nobody_ to notice!"

"Dobe, what the hell are you talking about? I did all of those 'nice' things over the course of almost an entire _year_."

Naruto paled. A whole year! No way! Then why did it feel like he just came back last week? He remembered helping Sasuke clean his old rooms and settle back in like it was just yesterday!

_Where_ the _hell_ had the time gone?

"And by the way, Naruto," he continued, "Nobody _did _notice. Not Kakashi, our old sensei who acted more like a surrogate father, or Sakura, the girl who claimed she did not stop thinking about me for a single moment, since the day I left."

"...I"

"And since when have you observed the way I treat others? Why were you even talking to Tenten?"

"...Wait! I-"

"And what were you doing following me that closely for?" He narrowed his dark eyes and leaned forward, "I already promised you that I am not going to leave, you don't have to _monitor_ me."

"I JUST FUCKING NOTICED, OKAY?" yelled Naruto, feeling trapped. It was not like that_ at all_.

He waited for Sasuke to yell back but the Uchiha was silent, arms folded across his chest, mouth in a straight line. Naruto continued, quieter, "You don't have to go all _psychoanalytical_ on me! I wasn't monitoring you, I swear! I trust you with everything I have! It's just that you were being all non-douche-y-teme-like and I had a gut feeling something had changed! And knowing our luck I figured it was something bad!"

Then Naruto laughed to himself, "After all, I was right! Something did change you; you didn't just magically become Mr. Nice-Guy! It's only because of Itachi-san's advice!"

"...Only you would use the words psychoanalytical and douche in the same speech."

"...Only you would be a jerk at a time like this."

"You know me too well, Naruto," snorted Sasuke.

"I probably know you better than you know you and I know me!" Naruto immediately countered, shoving Sasuke to the left so he could occupy seventy percent of the bed as he always did. He pulled off his jacket, laid himself spread eagle on his back, pulled out his sleeping cap from god knows where and promptly began snoring. Sasuke rolled his eyes and got up to get another blanket to cover the blonde. However, by the time he came back, Naruto had already irreversibly, cocooned himself into Sasuke's own blanket.

Typical.

Sasuke threw the blanket on him anyway, feeling too warm for it himself.

It was so very _Naruto _of him, to yell his top off at Sasuke and then proceed to sleep in his bed as though neither of them should have any bad feelings, ever. Sasuke sighed and squeezed himself onto the small portion of the bed left. He knew Naruto finally trusted him again, but he still felt as though he had something to prove to the blonde who had dedicated a huge part of his short life to bringing him back. He did not like feeling guilty and he did not regret what he had done but there was something about that watery smile Naruto gave him when he tied his old headband on.

...

Just after he turned the lights off and right before he fell asleep to the familiar rhythm of Naruto's snores, Sasuke realized that he probably knew the blonde far better than he knew himself too. They both knew each other better than they knew themselves and it made him feel really strange to realize he was that deeply connected to someone else.


	3. Sasuke's Mission 280

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Sasuke's Mission # 280 -_

Sasuke awoke at nine thirty, still groggy from Naruto barging in at three and yelling in his Naruto-way till six thirty. Habitually, he reached for Itachi's notebook for the next mission. He was about to open the book when one particularly obnoxious snore distracted him. Scowling, he turned to look at Naruto.

His best friend had managed to kick _both _blankets off the bed and therefore was curled inwards around Sasuke's left arm as a source of heat. His shirt had ridden up, along with the loose ninja pants, exposing a tan stomach, back and limbs. The most interesting thing was that his hat had managed to sit perfectly straight, keeping the short blonde bangs pressed against his forehead.

Sasuke's right hand twitched, wanting to push Naruto off, since reading in this position would be uncomfortable but he decided against it. Carefully, without any sudden movements, Sasuke slid up against the headboard, into a sitting position. Naruto had had to let go of his arm and was now shivering slightly, too cold to continue snoring. Sasuke, being the closet softie that he was, reached over the blonde to pull the sheets back over him but before he could, Naruto had decided to take the opportune moment to settle directly into Sasuke's lap. He curled himself even further, tangling his legs with his friend's pale ones before resuming his happy snoring once again.

Sasuke wondered why he even bothered helping Naruto; the man always managed to help himself out.

Purposefully ignoring the double meaning of his own words, Sasuke opened up the black book to where he had left off two days ago.

. . .

**_Mission # 280_**

_Congratulations Sasuke, you have made it to mission 280. You know, I contemplated discontinuing this book before I wrote this entry because I sincerely thought you would never complete mission # 279 (Which was to compliment a long-time fan-girl in case you decided to skip it, sneaky Otouto)._

_Just know, Sasuke, that somewhere, some girl's life now has a meaning, and all because you took the time out of your day to tell her that she had a cute nose._

_I honestly feel as though most of these Akatsuki members' lives would have been different had someone told them that they were at least average looking, especially Kisame. I always feel he is on the verge of tears whenever someone starts publicly flirting with me._

_Now, I am going to tell you something about life Sasuke that you should always remember; You win some and you lose some. __So, according to this principle, it is only fair that those extra inches be compensated for, somewhere else, be it in looks, intelligence or charisma._

_And although I am sure you want to hear more exciting tales of my partner's sizable genitals, we must carry on, as your next mission is of utmost importance._

_Uchiha Sasuke, You Are To Acquire A Lover._

_Now let me make the rules clear to you. _

_1) A mere fuck does not count. _

_2) I do not care if he is incredibly hot, if he is too dumb to pronounce 'Amaterasu,' or 'Tsukuyomi,' it does not count. _

_3) A fan girl does not count. _

_4) Imaginary lover/your hand does not count._

_Remember all of the things I have taught you so far; unconditional acceptance, undeniable chemistry and true love are most important. If you choose honestly, then I already know who you will be with. And it only took me twelve minutes to realize it after first seeing you two together._

_I can only begin to imagine what passionate make-up sex you two will have XD_

_Good luck, Sasuke._

_P.S. Do not bother skipping this one, Otouto, the next pages will only be readable if you complete this one. I know, I know, I am a jerk, asshole, etc, but trust me, Sasuke._

_Aniki is always right._

**_Itachi_**

_. . ._

For the second time that morning, he cursed out his brother. It was impossible to know who Itachi was talking about; his older brother had seen him with tons of different men, with personalities varying from Gai sensei and Haku!

Just to make sure Itachi was not bluffing; Sasuke flipped ahead but found the words dancing across the page and re-arranging themselves into playful little scenes and crude words.

Sasuke almost pouted.

Although propositioned many times before, he had never actually dated anyone and did not know _how_ to pursue let alone _who_ to pursue!

Without his consent, his mind wandered and tried to think of the first person whom he he felt the strongest (or only) feelings for. When his emotions finally settled on whom it was, Sasuke looked down at him. Taking in his innocent, sleeping form, he automatically felt weird for even thinking of his friend that way, regardless of how nicely he had filled out. Even after puberty, Naruto's body was lean, however, now the slight form was all tightly coiled muscle covered with _such_ smooth, tanned skin. His blonde hair had darkened and grew out, hi-lighting and framing a more mature (but still boyishly so), handsome face. And even before Itachi's entry, hell, even before Sasuke graduated from the academy at twelve, he knew that Naruto was the only one able to get such a rise out of him. Make his blood boil with his righteous anger and blatant stupidity.

Or make his heart sync when he pursued Sakura, like a hound dog.

Unconsciously, Sasuke's hand drifted down the side of his body, following the slight curves of Naruto's masculine profile before settling on his narrow hips. He drew senseless patterns on the skin there, liking the way his pale skin looked atop Naruto's. He moved his hand to unfasten the button on the waistband of his pants. Sasuke was sure he would look even better on the blonde when he coul-

Fuck Itachi and his ability to intensify the desire and... _feelings_ he was already just barely holding in.

As though burned, Sasuke pulled back his hand and held it with his other. He loved his brother so much, but right then, he wanted to _strangle_ Itachi and his rational methods. Sasuke had never been good with understanding emotions and even worse when dealing with his own, despite his inherent charm.

How the fuck was he supposed to acquire Naruto?

The young Uchiha was so frustrated that he wanted to tear his hair out, but he settled for flipping his ceiling the bird and slamming the book onto his nightstand.

"Sasukeeee," whined Naruto, rubbing his cheek into the front of his pants in an attempt to relax Sasuke's stiffened muscles. The black haired man had naturally tightened his body when he had gotten angry and thus his lap currently felt too tense and hard to sink into comfortably.

Although, contrary to Naruto's incredibly insightful thought process, rubbing one's face against someone's crotch is not likely to calm them down or allow them to relax their muscles. In fact, the friction made Sasuke even tenser.

"Naruto," he whispered, trying to make sure Naruto did not hear the pure, unadulterated, arousal in his voice, "Get up!"

"Can't we just stay in bed and order ramen? Neither of us have any missions!"

"Alright, we can do that, but get off of me_, now._"

"Why!? You're room is so damn cold and you're all warm and comfy. And you stole all my blankets last night! Consider this payback, Sasuke."

"Naruto," he groaned, trying to push the blonde off but his hands shook from the effort of controlling his body and voice, so he could not push the stubborn man off. "I have things to do!" he reasoned, voice barely audible because of how low it was.

"Just do what you got to do here!" he mumbled, shifting to lay the other side of his face on Sasuke's lap. Now, he had a cursedly clear view of Naruto shamelessly burying his nose into the warmth of his lap.

He dug his nails into his own palms to stop himself from unzipping his pants and shoving his spiky blonde head down _there_ instead.

With eyes still closed, Naruto brought his arms around to take one of Sasuke's hands in both of his. "Put on your reading glasses and read Itachi-san's book! I'll be up in a bit, okay?" he mumbled. Naruto yawned and continued, "Mmm, you'd look _so hot_ in glasses." Sasuke reasoned that Naruto was probably unaware of anything he was saying .

However at that last comment, he could feel his blood rushing south and could do absolutely nothing to stop it. Naruto seemed oblivious to the whole situation; he had brought Sasuke's hand close to his body and started to snore again, nose still pressed _too freaking close_ for him not to notice soon, if not just then.

With a highly erotic groan, Sasuke focused all his strength into pulling Naruto out of his lap and flipping them over so that he hovered above the disgruntled looking blonde who adamantly, still would not let go of his hand or open his eyes. He adjusted himself into a more discrete position and took a deep breath trying to re-regulate his breathing. He tried to think of something distracting and nonsexual. _Akamaru, Kiba's dog, eating a dead cat, Hinata's ridiculously high-pitched voice and the irritated expression Itachi used to get when he sneezed._

When he deemed himself sufficiently under-control, he turned to look at Naruto.

Worst mistake _ever_.

Naruto's hat had slid off half-way, leaving one side of his bangs adorably disarrayed, the rest of his hair fanning out ethereally on the white pillows below. His back was arched _obscenely_ high, barely covered chest _almost_ touching Sasuke's, as he stretched out his tired muscles. However, the worst part was the completely happy look on his face as he squeezed Sasuke's hand, the one he had refused to let go this entire time and said-

"Later, when you're not being such a teme, I'm going to get you those glasses," before relaxing his back and plopping down onto the bed.

Sasuke fucking _lost_ it.


	4. Like Water

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Like Water -_

Sasuke pulled his hand away from Naruto's grip and used it to angle his chin up. He thrust his other hand under his black shirt and touched and caressed the tight muscles of his stomach.

Confused blue eyes asked a silent question of the black ones above. However, noticing the hazy lust in Sasuke's darkened eyes, they widened, pupils blowing wide open in excitement. He made to turn away to try and avoid the intense stare but Sasuke's hold on his chin was too tight to do so.

He felt the dark haired man lower his body over his and responded to his warmth, subconsciously arching up into him wanting more. When Sasuke moved away, he even wrapped his arms around his pale neck, not wanting the warm intimacy to end.

Consequently, he could just _feel_ the Uchiha's smugness radiating off of him.

He loosened his grip on him and opened his mouth to protest but could not bring himself to say much of _anything_ when he felt Sasuke's hot lips kissing the skin just below his left ear. Threading his fingers through his best friend's long hair, Naruto let himself enjoy the foreign, pleasant sensations running through his body as Sasuke mouthed hot, open-mouthed kisses all across his neck and into his jaw line. Simultaneously, the hand under his shirt began moving more vigorously. Sasuke's talented fingers groped his trim waist, dragged blunt tips over his hipbones and teased his sensitive ribs.

Between the painfully pleasurably sensations of Sasuke biting his neck and touching him, Naruto felt impossibly good. He could not stop himself from moaning as Sasuke abused the spots on his neck and waist that the Uchiha had already memorized. His brain was so foggy that the only thing he could think of was how he never wanted Sasuke to stop what he was doing. He threw his hands over Sasuke's bare shoulders, pulling him even closer, not wanting an inch of air between them. He felt an unbearable heat form in his body as he arched his neck at the sensation of a particularly hard bite delivered to his shoulder. Naruto finally got into the mood and moved his hands lower on Sasuke's back and groped the hard muscles he found. Nervously, he wrapped his legs around Sasuke's waist and guided his head closer to the most erotic parts on his neck before roving his hands all over the pale body above him.

Strangely enough, it was the relatively innocent and sweet kiss placed upon his lips that made Naruto realize the weight of what they were doing. He almost choked at the way he referred to them as 'we' in his head. He couldn't let them get too far; nobody had even confessed anything yet! He wanted Sasuke, but would _not _let them use each other like this if it was just for release.

He pulled Sasuke up by his hair, trying to ignore how ridiculously sexy his hair looked when disheveled and pushed him away. Panting, he sat up and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, shivering hyper-sensitively when he felt how moist it was with Sasuke's saliva.

He shifted his legs.

"Sasuke, what are you doing?"

"..." Sasuke did not meet Naruto's eyes. He could not bare to see the look of shock or betrayal upon the face of the person that he wanted so badly. He could almost hear his brother's baritone voice asking him if he would care that much if he_ only_ _wanted _him physically.

Sasuke made to get up off the bed and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. He was sure that he had royally fucked things up with the blonde. What was he even thinking? "I'm sorry Naruto, I was out of line. I was not thinking straight. As always, the shower is all yours, just lock up when you leave because I just remembered I have to give Kakashi this report and talk with Tsunade about-"

"YEAH RIGHT! Stupid Sasuke, you can't just ignore something like that! What do you want?"

"I'm not ignoring it. I already said it was a mist-"

"Fuck you! That wasn't a mistake! I know what a mistake is, it's like my middle name."

"...You are right... I deliberately made a move on you, and I am sorry, Naruto. I wish it hadn't happened," he apologized. He picked a black cardigan off the floor and put it on. "What else would you like me to say?" he asked, looking over his shoulder with unusually emotional eyes.

Naruto fisted the sheets beneath him and shook his head, trying to find the right words to say.

If there was _anything _in this world that he knew, it was Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke was only impulsive when he was too obsessed with something to see how it badly it affected other people and Naruto could _sing _in ecstasy because he felt so strongly about him. However, Naruto also felt like screaming because holding on to an emotionally-vulnerable Sasuke was like trying to hold onto water in his hands, difficult to begin with and ultimately impossible when that small window of time ran out and he trickled away.

If he did not say something soon, Sasuke would probably still talk with him, he was not that conceited, but they would never be as close, carefree, _and happy _as they were now. He felt for Sasuke. Probably more than he felt for him but he just did not want to jump into something they would regret and had no idea what to say.

He valued their friendship _too much_.

After all, when Sasuke was blinded by revenge and anger, Naruto remembered all too clearly, what it felt to not have his sarcastic teme by his side. He wished he was more like Itachi-san, so eloquent with his words that even his hard-headed best friend would listen. But he was not Itachi and could never speak beautifully.

What he wanted to say, was that he liked Sasuke, but wanted to slow down and understand what each other were thinking.

But he ended up screaming in his typical Naruto way.

"SASUKE, YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT TO ME AND WALK AWAY. TOUCH ME SO FUCKING, _GENTLY_ AND THEN SAY IT'S A MISTAKE. I KNOW YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME I COULD FEEL THEM AND SASUKE, IF I DIDN'T WANT YOU, I WOULD HAVE PUSHED YOU AWAY. BUT I DIDN'T BECAUSE I WANT YOU. I WON'T LET YOU RUN AWAY FROM ME AGAIN. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I SURVIVED WITHOUT YOU BUT I CAN'T LET YOU GO THIS TIME. I JUST FUCKING CAN'T. I WON'T RUIN ALL THE THINGS I WANT WITH YOU BECAUSE OF MINDLESS SEX, BUT I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE ME."

Sasuke was sure the entirety of Konoha heard his outburst but could not focus on anything but Naruto. The blonde haired man had gotten up and moved to stand in front of Sasuke, hands clenching the dark fabric of the sweater as he breathed heavily. He was so worked up he had not even noticed the silent tears streaming down his face. Sasuke's own were full of unshed ones.

"Naruto, I didn't even realize that I could hurt you that much, I"

"Well you can! And you did..." he said pouting. "But this isn't about that! I didn't want you to stop, t-t-touching me, I just wasn't sure what was going on. If you even liked me or just wanted sex, or w-what..."

"I really like you Naruto and I don't ever want to stop touching you," he said, licking the tears away, "You're my other half, energetic, insolent, generous, compassionate, social, loyal, adorable, genuine, passionate, you're my better half, Naruto."

"Took you long enough to realize it teme!" he mumbled, forgetting how frustrated he was. Sasuke had proceeded to lick and kiss different parts of his face and Naruto's hands shook in his sweater as Sasuke licked the lobe of his right ear and it was all he could do to not throw his head back and ask for more.

"Well, YOU never exactly said anything either!" said Sasuke

"How am I supposed to walk up to the most eligible bachelor in the whole fucking country, who just happens to be my childhood best friend and ask him if after he's done checking himself out, he would like to go on a date?" he asked, pulling away to look at Sasuke's face.

He was frowning.

"I do _not _check myself out, Naruto."

On the inside, Sasuke could not have been happier. Nothing had changed, after the kissing, they still acted and talked the same way, in a way that he never wanted to change.

"Cha, because only the most timid of the un-confident walk around with half their bodies on display."

"..."

"HA! You _were_ checking yourself out."

"Maybe, but that means that you were checking me out checking myself out," he said wrapping his arms around the blonde's hips and pulling him even closer.

"Huh?" he asked, with a level of eloquence even Itachi would be envious of.

Sasuke stroked Naruto's hair and thought seriously, "...Naruto say 'Amaterasu' and 'Tsukuyomi'."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Fine, Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi!"

"Thank heavens! Now, we can be together."

"Sasuke, you arrogant jerk, why do I have to say the name of your sharingan jutsus, just to be with you?"

"Ask Itachi."

"Sasuke, every couple of months or so, there comes a day when I'll be listening to you, nodding and stuff and then realize that I have not a clue as to what you are saying. This is one of those days."

"Read chapter 280," he said letting go of his friend to hand him his brother's notebook.

Mumbling something about the beautiful ones being the craziest, he flipped to entry two hundred and eighty, sat down and read it, complexion starting off pink and ending up fire engine red as he read the part about 'passionate make-up sex.'

Still blushing, Naruto asked, "Eh Sasuke, how did your brother know I was going to read this entry?"

Sasuke whipped around and went over to read over Naruto's shoulder. He just glimpsed that the entry was in fact started with, 'Dear Naruto-kun,' before it quickly changed into a different one.

. . .

**_Dear Naruto-kun and Otouto,_**

_Have fun, you two horny teens._

_You can thank your lucky stars later, for having a person as amazing as I in your lives._

_Completely Seriously,_

**_Itachi_**

. . .


	5. Your Turn

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Your Turn! -_

With a disbelieving look on his face, Naruto Uzumaki closed the book and turned to face Sasuke who looked like he had just seen Tsunade's natural form.

It was nice seeing Sasuke look so surprised since that was something usually done by Naruto. The blonde started laughing.

Coming back to reality, Sasuke ran his fingers through his hair and smiled at Naruto, a small smile that was reciprocated ten times brighter. He sat beside him, wrapped one arm around Naruto's waist, and pulled him into his lap. He ran his hands up and down Naruto's sides and kissed him hotly on the back of his neck.

"I want you, Naruto."

Naruto grinned, and flipped himself around so that they were face to face. He splayed one hand across Sasuke's chest, held his face with the other and kissed his lips. The motion was light and gentle at first but grew more passionate as the two grew bolder. Sasuke moved his hands into his soon-to-be lover's hair, liking how its' texture was more coarse than his own. He tilted his head to the left and parted his lips. He felt Naruto do the same and was _just_ about to get inside that much too loud mouth of his when he... Why did he pull away?

"I want you _too_, Sasuke. But, what happened earlier this morning was an accident and one that I don't want to repeat," said Naruto, getting off Sasuke's lap and putting on the jacket and headband he had taken off the day before.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes; "I thought we already talked about how we both wanted more than just a fuck." He gripped one of Naruto's wrists and didn't let go. The 'captive' man smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek, teasing,

"We did. But, you have to show me that you want more, I've never really been that great with words you know..."

"Well, what about you? Aren't you going to pursue me?"

"..."

Here Naruto began twitching and fully slapped Sasuke upside the head, roaring, "I PURSUED YOU FOR THREE WHOLE FUCK-TASTIC YEARS, YOU DICK!"

Sasuke paused for a bit.

The dobe was right.

Then he put on his best Uchiha smirk and asked, "Naruto, would you be my boyfriend?"

"Nope!" was Naruto's immediate response. With a mock-salute, he ran towards Sasuke's window, swung himself over the ledge and called, "YOU'LL HAVE TO TRY HARDER THAN THAT, TEME. REMEMBER, THREE FUCK-TASTIC YEARS!" And with that, the blonde's voice echoed down only to be replaced by someone yelling out that there were innocent children on the streets.

Sasuke had a hard time figuring out if he should pout, laugh, cry or punch a wall. Although, considering the _problem_, Naruto had left him with; a cold shower was definitely in first order.

He gathered some fresh clothes and headed off. He undressed slowly, thinking of what he was going to do about his dramatic not-quite-there-yet boyfriend. He sighed and looked in the mirror. His hair looked terrible in his opinion, bangs sticking up in odd directions and the back looked like something one would find in a cat's stomach. He ran his fingers through the mess unhelpfully, and touched the kiss-swollen lips. He started the shower and started grinning when he realized Naruto would not come out as unmarred.

He washed his hair and thought about all the things he wanted to do to the hyper-active blonde and realized he was being counter-productive. The shower was supposed to _calm _him down. He banged his head against the tiled wall, not really sure what Naruto wanted from him. He already took him out to drinks, dinner, festivals, and they enjoyed hanging out at home too. What _else _was he supposed to do?

Wrapping a towel around himself, he stepped out, de-tangling his hair only to find Naruto standing in the middle of the room with his hat in his hands.

"I, uh, came back," he started stuttering, determinedly not looking at the mostly naked man in the room, "for my hat..."

"Naruto, what would you like me to do? I already take you out and buy you things!"

"You'll just have to get that pretty _genius _head of yours to think won't you teme?" he replied hotly, jumping out back the way he came in.

"I have a DOOR, you know!" he called.

"DOORS are for wimps!" he quipped back. "BYE, SASU-TEME!"

Only Naruto could make the word 'teme' into a term of endearment.

He shut the window and sat at his desk, tapping the pen on to the glass surface trying to think of things to do for Naruto. He came up completely blank but was adamant to figure it out on his own. He gave himself till eleven thirty to figure out an action plan.

At two in the afternoon, he gave up.

Surrendering to the inevitability of his next action, he pushed the chair back and stood up, shuffling over to where Itachi's book lay.

He loomed over the thick notebook. The dates spanned five years, meaning that Itachi had started this book when he was fifteen and Sasuke still ten. Sasuke wondered how the hell Itachi had managed to act as a double agent for Konoha, fool _all _the Akatsuki and still manage to write these disturbingly accurate predictions of what was going to happen that freaking _changed _depending on the readers chakra signature.

Had he been on drugs?

Shaking away that ridiculous though, he opened it and started reading,

. . .

**Dear Horny Otouto,**

_Did you really think Naruto was going to give it up just because of the Uchiha charm?_

_Tsk, tsk, Sasuke, he has known you for years and is most likely immune to your fan-girl-pants-dropping smile._

_Also, you cannot simply buy him something expensive from your Uchiha inheritance to make him accept you in a relationship. You know he is not the type for frivolities, not to mention that he is inherits__ the Namikaze and Uzumaki fortunes now._

_So I am sure your thinking, 'Oh brilliant, handsome, incredible Itachi nii-san, you are so absolutely right! Now would you please grace me with some of your intelligence and help me on my quest to court Naruto?'_

_Why, thank you for the compliments!_

_And here is how you do it._

_**Romance**__ Sasuke:) _

_Public outings holding hands, matching sweaters, lavish confessions, yellow roses, ramen made to spell out your initials and in general, making a fool out of yourself to show him how much you want him and to what lengths you will go for him._

_It has also got the added bonus of deflating your huge ego._

_Have fun masturbating till then!_

**_Itachi_**

. . .

Sasuke read the entry twice. Then he read it again. Just once more, in case he was losing it but he knew he was not. The words, 'Public outings holding hands,' were written neatly in Itachi's perfect straight writing, glaring at him in strong black ink strokes. He could feel his left eyebrow twitching as he closed his eyes.

He fucking _hated_ PDAs.

Sasuke did not really mind the affectionate displays before the massacre but after it, he would barely let anyone touch him, let alone kiss or hug him, that too in _public. _Although logically, after the truth had been revealed, he _should_ have been okay with getting closer to people, and more open to the concept of love, but he was not.

He had only allowed himself to get closer to Naruto after he returned because he had missed him too much and felt like when he was with him, he could be himself, at peace and maybe even at home. Wanting him was something that had developed from initial sparks and ideas that formed when they were kids. The feelings however, had taken a backseat after his departure. Being with Naruto felt right but he was not sure if he was okay with so many others intruding in on all of the private thoughts and feelings that rushed through his head as he_ felt_ the blonde man.

He closed his eyes and closed the book. However, if that was what it took to get Naruto in his arms, where he belonged, then he would do it.

He exited his suite, (through the door like a wimp) and walked over to the Yamanaka residence.

He entered the compound with senses on high alert, trying very hard to avoid several badly aimed Mind Transfer Jutsus from the genin ranked clans-members. The last time that had happened, him being hit that is, he had been on his way to pick Ino up for coffee and foolishly thought that the _jonin _level ninjutsu user outside would have been able to properly aim his mind at his partner. As punishment for his foolishness he had hat to wait for fifty long and awkward minutes with some strange man locked in his head because the man had used some new long-lasting variation on the classic technique that required ultra-precise aim.

He had even asked if Sasuke wanted to play cards, casually, as if everyone played cards, _while being trapped in someone's freaking mind. _Although, in this clan that was totally possible.

With a shudder, Sasuke reached where he knew Ino's room to be and rapped on the door twice.

"Just a sec!" yelled the girl as the sounds of clothes rustling could be heard. Sasuke greeted both of her parents and even patted one little boy's head who was suddenly inspired to climb up the Uchiha's leg. Sasuke really did not mind being nice to others, he was actually polite by nature, but as the kid proceeded to sit on his head and play with his hair, he wondered if listening to his nii-san's _every_ advice was really the best idea. Mission sixty-five had been to hand out teddy-bear shaped chocolates to all the children in Konoha faster than Lee could and although difficult, the mission was really quite ridiculous and meant that these days, kids loved him-

Here, he yelped a bit when the kid plucked a tuft a hair straight out-

A little too much.

"Sasuke-kun! Hi, what are you doing here? I didn't forget any plans did I?" asked Ino as she peeped just her head out of the door.

The sounds of clothing rustling still continued though the girl stood still.

Sasuke fought the urge to lift his eyebrows but he cleared his throat and replied, "No, Ino-chan. Actually, I was just wondering if you are currently free because I-"

"No, she is not free, Uchiha" declared a male voice as Ino began to blush. A pale hand came into view and wrenched open the door further, revealing a shirtless man wearing a rather neutral expression.

"It's not what you think! I can totally explain!" said Ino as she proceeded to shove the man Sasuke rather lately recognized as Sai, back into the room.

"It is none of my business or anyone else's," said Sasuke, cutting off the girls stammering. "I would not ever say anything about this as it is not my place to tell."

Ino visibly relaxed and placed a tiny kiss on Sai's shoulder. "Go get dressed, let me talk to Sasuke-kun."

With a wordless nod, Sai retreated and Ino pressed her palms together in a sign of gratitude.

Sasuke smiled back. He was genuinely happy for the long-haired blonde girl. Upon his return, she had expressed that she no longer wanted to be _with_ him, but there_ for_ him if he needed anything. Sasuke had taken her up on the offer, coming to her for any sort of social issue he was not fully informed of and the two had become good friends, her empathy and awareness balancing out his indifference.

"So, what's up, Sasuke-kun?" she asked leaning across the door's archway.

Sasuke immediately tensed. This was it, if he asked Ino for help, then it was like solidifying the fact that, Yes, Sasuke Uchiha was ready to go to _great, self-deprecating_ lengths to make Naruto accept him and love him.

He cleared his throat again.

"Actually, Ino-chan, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to help me go clothes' shopping."


	6. Don't Mess With The Yamanaka!

Letters** From Nii-San**

_- Don't Mess With the Yamanaka! -_

Sasuke moved to wipe some sweat off his forehead and realized that the kid had fallen asleep on his head.

Blondes...

Slowly, he set the kid on a nearby sofa while avoiding Ino's surprisingly penetrating glare. It was almost Uchiha-worthy. Her fair eyebrows were pulled together and her green-blue eyes were narrowed as she placed both hands on her hips, tapping out a suspicious rhythm. Ino was very skeptical and showed it.

"Pray tell, Sasuke-kun, why is it that you want to go shopping now, huh?" she asked, taking a step further to examine his dark eyes up close. "It's not like I've been telling you to get something other than your ninja clothes to wear for the past year or anything."

"Tsunade-sama wanted me to get some nice clothes to wear for some mission she wanted to send me on and since the clothes she presented me with were ridiculous, I decided to finally buy my own and decided I could you use your judgement," he lied easily, even rolling his eyes naturally when he said the word, 'ridiculous.'

Ino crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged. "Okay, Sasuke-kun, like you said, it's technically none of my business. Sai will just let himself out, so if you'll allow me a moment to get ready I'll be out," she said turning to walk into the room. "However, I'm just letting you know that I know you're lying. And since you are lying instead of being blunt and indifferent as usual, I know you're hiding something important."

Sasuke raised a finger to protest but Ino waved it away, "You'll tell me when you're ready, I'm sure. I can wait as long as it's not like _fatal.._." Sasuke shook his head no. "Then give me five. Want to come in?"

"I'm naked," announced Sai from within the room. The blonde girl blushed and closed the door, an apologetic expression on her face.

Sasuke resisted the urge to face-palm. Konoha's social butterfly and the awkward artist seemed to be a combination made for comedy. Although, he could definitely vouch that the best pairings are made when opposites attract...

Smirking to himself, Sasuke took a seat on the sofa beside the sleepy child. The kid had straight yellow hair over sharp features and when he opened one eye at the jostling of the couch, Sasuke could see that it had a dark charcoal color, similar to that of his own.

If he and Naruto could have kids, then they would probably look-

"Sasuke-kun I'm ready!" called Ino, pulling him out of his thoughts. Sasuke whipped his head around lightning fast, eyes the size of big guilty dinner plates, as though he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Ino tried not to laugh too loudly.

He scowled and stalked off, not waiting for the young woman to catch up. "Sasuke-kun, relax!" she panted, the Uchiha was fast when he wanted to be, "We're going _clothes' shopping_, not arresting a criminal! Why are you so jittery, anyway?"

"I'm not jittery!" he shouted.

"There you go again, using emotion. I _know _something's up."

"..."

"Hmph. Whatever it is, there's nothing a good round of shopping can't fix!"

"Hn."

"Wow, Sasuke, your enthusiasm is contagious."

"Ino, I don't understand what part about purchasing clothing is that enjoyable."

Sasuke immediately facepalmed as Ino began ranting off her twenty-five top reasons why shopping could singlehandedly cure more ailments than all medicinal nin-jutsu until they finally reached the fashion district.

"OH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED!" she shrieked, jumping several feet in the air. "There's this totally sexy grey sweater I found, that would look _so _cute on you! AH! SHIT! CRAP! This orange haired chunin bitch totally had her eye on it too! OMG, she was so desperate, she wanted to give it to this guy she liked. I mean like what if he had brown hair? Like, no way! That'd be so gross. Come on, Sasuke! We CAN'T let that happen!"

Then the Yamanaka girl sped off, teal eyes on fire. She was so _incredibly_ fast that Sasuke was forced to activate his Sharingan _just_ to see where she ran off to and he had to re-watch her running sequence twice just to see her outline!

As he ran down the avenue, it suddenly occurred to Sasuke, that the entire course of history would have been changed, if the Akatsuki, Pein and Tobi decided to attack Konoha's fashion district, first. Ino Yamanaka would have singlehandedly wiped each and every one of them out, Rinnegan or no Rinnegan.

Sasuke was unable to control an abrupt laugh at the thought of Ino and Deidara going head-to-head, with Naruto and his rasengan to the side, completely baffled thinking, 'Which one do I attack?'

Re-composing himself, he managed to find the right store and sat down on a bench, waiting for Ino to show herself. It occurred to him that the bench was unusually soft, so he reached one hand behind him to retri-

Then he felt a small explosion by his left ear.

"JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? I HAD TO WRESTLE THREE CHUNIN AND ONE PARTICULARLY AGGRESSIVE GENIN TO GET THAT BEAUTIFUL SWEATER AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SIT ON IT!?"

Yeah, even the Sage would not have stood a chance.

"CAN YOU GET YOUR HUGE BUTT OF THAT SWEATER AND TRY IT THE FUCK ON INSTEAD!?"

And neither did he.

With thoughts of a smiling Naruto and a proud looking Itachi, he hurried off and changed quickly, all the while praying that his plans for the following night would work. He realized Naruto would not fall for just one romantic gesture, but hopefully, he'd have his blonde back before things got too embarrassing.

"WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG? ARE YOU ASLEEP IN THERE? I HAVE SIX MORE SWEATERS HERE AND THERE ARE THREE MORE SHOPS WE HAVE TO HIT! AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN _STARTED _ON YOUR HAIR! ALSO, THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN LINE, SASUKE-KUN. Oh hey, there's Tenten, my, her hair looks really nice when she does one giant bun!"

Sasuke blushed. Too late.

. . .

Naruto Uzumaki had been growling at his appearance in the mirror since nine forty-three. It was now eleven seventeen pm. He had finished his shower, so his hair was not in its usual spiky state but that was hardly something to get so worked up about for two hours.

However, the blonde looked ready to kill, bent over the sink, face millimetres apart from his reflection and eyes flashing red sporadically. He used one hand to prop himself up and the other to cover a portion of his neck. With the combination of his out of control chakra levels, the covered neck and the killing intent in his eyes, he looked as though he had just received one of Orochimaru's curse seals.

"HEAL IT!" he screamed at the mirror for what seemed like the millionth time. He kept yelling it both aloud and mentally, but nothing seemed to happen, at least nothing most individuals could perceive. However, within the confines of Naruto's mind, Kyuubi was having a_ ball_. He was laughing so loudly, he sounded more like a demon hyena, rolling over with tears in his eyes and rattling Naruto's subconscious. The irritated blonde rubbed at his temples trying to prevent an up-coming headache.

"ARGH!" shouted Naruto, as he very intelligently punched his own head. The nine-tailed beast only laughed harder as the blonde momentarily lost balance and saw stars. Shaking his cloudy head, Naruto took a deep breath and folded his arms with a look of finality on his tan features.

"Kyuubi, now, I'm going to tell you as a friend. Please heal this thing," he said.

The fox snorted and chuckled a bit more. '_Now, why would I do that?' _he asked.

Naruto sighed, "Because that's what you always do. Every time I get hurt, you heal me. You've been doing it forever, don't bale on me now!"

Kyuubi grinned, ear to ear, '_But you are not hurt.' _He stated simply.

"Yes I am! Can you not see this giant bruise on my neck, you blind demon?!" protested Naruto. He moved his hand to the sink, uncovering a small eggplant-coloured bruise right above his collarbone. Naruto had no idea why Kyuubi was being such a bitch about this one bruise. He had healed all the other ones but refused to help him with this one.

'_But Naruto,' _he said tauntingly, _'that's a love bite, and that to your very first one.'_

"So! It's still a bruise, an injury! And you help me heal my injuries, plain and simple!"

_'But you _wanted_ this injury, Naru-chan. You moaned and whined for it. You even wrapped your-'_

"Alright, I get it. It's so amusing that I finally made out with someone and now you're going to tease me about it forever. I promise you, I'll let you! Just _please _heal this one! I have to go out for guard duty tomorrow and I don't need the questions."

_'Why are you not proud of being Sasuke's? Or would you prefer that Haruno?' _asked Kyuubi, genuinely curious.

Naruto scowled and looked away from his reflection unable to meet his own rd eyes but could still somehow feel Kyuubi staring at him. The demon fox had figured out a couple years before he did that the only reason he liked Sakura was because she was comfortable and familiar to him. Her beauty, passion and empathy were things he _adm_ired, not necessarily _des_ired. Kyuubi took the lack of response as affirmation and began snickering again

"I am not _Sasuke's! _He does not own me! We aren't even going out!" cried Naruto.

_'That's because you rejected him.'_

"Well yeah! I can't just bend over and drop my pants for him like some hopeless schoolgirl! He has countless of others who'd be willing to do so for him anyway! If _he_ really wants_ me_, then he'll come after me even if I am playing hard to get!" argued Naruto. He sounded confident but Kyuubi could feel the waves of insecurity that crashed through his subconscious right after he said it. Naruto still was not sure if Sasuke would pursue him even after all he had said. Saying and doing are, after all, very different things.

_'Stop worrying, Naruto. The Uchiha boy really likes you, he'll come for you. Don't worry you're pretty, blonde head.'_

"I'm not worried!"

_'Good. Because the stench of his arousal was freaking unbearable, especially when you started to moan his name as he kissed your-'_

"Good Night, Kyuubi!" he yelled, throwing himself in to bed and burying his head into the pillow trying to block out his voice. With a final chuckle at the blonde's stupidity, (he was locked _in_side his mind) the demon fox fell silent. Naruto sighed. The hickey was not that big of a deal really, he would just _not_ unzip his jacket...

. . .

On the other side of the village, Sasuke ran a hand through his newly cut hair.

After the shinobi war, he had grown it out longer, to the point where it resembled Itachi's but it never quite hung as straightly as his older brother's. Ino insisted he cut it short, even shorter than the length he had had as a genin. Sasuke had been skeptical and insisted that all he needed were clothes but she was adamant that he needed a complete 'Ino-Over.' Finally, he succumbed to her inane logic.

After it was cut and re-styled, she and the hairdresser had fan-girled over him and given him a billion hair care products for maintenance with instructions he had been forced to memorize with his Sharingan.

He laid down on the side of the bed Naruto had occupied the previous night, smacked himself for how endearing he found the dobe's remaining _drool _to be (he remembered the simple, uncomplicated days when he would berate Naruto for it instead) and fell asleep.

Sasuke needed just _one more_ thing for tomorrow night's plan...


	7. H-Cups & the LGBT

**Letters From NiiSan**

_- H-Cups & the LGBT -_

Naruto felt like he was very _slowly_ dying.

It would be very anti-climactic, if this is how he ended up going.

He had been promoted to ANBU after the war, after serious theory, temperament, vigilance training and some very serious threats from Tsunade, the council of elders felt that he was ready. Naruto himself had been hesitant at first, wanting to become a jonin and have his own team to take care of before he became Hokage but Tsunade had convinced him that service as an ANBU would be good for him, help him stay decisive yet objective during tough situations, not reveal his weaknesses while exposing him to the international political system so he would be well-informed before his succession to leadership

Granted, Naruto had not understood most of what Tsunade had said, but she seemed really passionate about it _and _promised him really good pay with a personalized, government funded, weekly allowance of ramen on top.

For the most part, Tsunade had been right, Naruto had learned many things during his one year of service and those experiences, coupled with his war-time ones, helped him draw some very life-changing conclusions that changed who he was.

However, nobody had warned him about guard duty when he signed up.

In fact, his captain had mentioned that it was reserved as a nice surprise to ANBU members who were feeling homesick or over-worked so that they could almost relax for a couple days before taking more intensive missions. In that sense they were right, Naruto had tons of paid-free time to do whatever he pleased during his time off that week, however what happened during the four hour midday shift, was a different story.

Four hours of absolute nothing-ness. It was like staring at a brick wall. In fact, it _was _staring at a brick wall.

Naruto felt like he was very, _very, _slowly dying.

At the moment, he was standing right outside of Tsunade's office alongside Neji Hyuuga, another ANBU, who was now a senior member of his team. He looked perfectly at ease, hands folded behind his back, peacefully watching the traffic of the grounds below him through the glass windows. If Naruto suddenly felt the need to take over Kyuubi's superior sense of hearing, he would have even been able to hear the Hyuuga's low voice humming a gentle melody.

His relaxed demeanor unnerved Naruto even further. He glanced at a nearby clock. It had only been twenty-two minutes since his shift began!

"ARGH, THIS IS TORTURE!" he yelled passionately, before proceeding to run around in small, redundant circles. Neji grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Naruto-kun! Calm down and stay silent, you will disturb Hokage-sama with your idiotic screaming!"

"But Neji-san! I CAN'T DO IT. I cannot just stand here facing a wall for four hours! I'll go insane!"

"Discipline Naruto-kun. Exercise your discipline."

"But it's not like anyone ever comes to see baa-chan without an appointment, with the only exceptions being Ino, Sakura and Shizune! And they all, already have permits and everything! And think about it! If anyone were to attack her, would they _really_ attack from between twelve pm and four pm? Like seriously? If they did, then they would be like the lames,t evil people ever, which means that baa-chan could take of them easily, without us!"

"Nonetheless, Naruto, we are ANBU, our sole purpose is to serve the Hokage, whether that means standing here outside her door for four hours, regardless of threat, or going to her house and folding her laundry."

This idea seemed to occupy Naruto's thoughts for a good three minutes.

"...I wonder how huge her bras would be, neh?"

Neji rolled his eyes and lightly punched the blonde, returning to the other side of the door. He ignored Naruto's mumbling about 'boring Hyuuga's,' and continued observing the civilians and ninjas below.

Naruto crossed his arms and started tapping his foot on the wooden floors.

"I will not hesitate to use gentle fist on your leg," warned Neji.

Naruto sighed and sank to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest. He and Neji had become good friends over the years, but he had always been weirdly serious about certain little things.

Like this one time they were on a mission in the Land of Darkness and Neji made him eat nothing but carrots to help sharpen his eyesight. He had even burned all of his cup noodles in front of him to help him with his 'discipline.' Naruto pouted recalling the memory, all that delicious ramen gone to waste... However, Neji's attention to detail also worked in his favor. He was very upfront and unforgiving in his answers and perception, however, since he took the time to account for every detail and angle, his reasoning was always valid and sound.

Naruto bit his lip. He had not told anyone about his situation with Sasuke or asked for any advice from his friends. Normally, he would have gone to Sakura, but the pink-haired girl still harbored feelings for Sasuke, so that conversation would have been useless, but nobody else really knew him or Sasuke well enough. However, Neji knew _him_ really well and had probably thoroughly scrutinized Sasuke after his return.

Now, how to approach the topic...

"Hey, Neji-san! What do you think of gay people?"

Neji blushed, wondering what the hell homosexuality had to do with Tsunade's bra size.

. . .

Sasuke knew he had an attractive voice; it was one of the defining features of this clan. It was masculine and deep, not as much as his brother's, so he still sounded youthful, and perfectly smooth, unlike his father's raspier one. Overall, Uchihas had perfect voices for seduction, flirtation, persuasion and charming.

However, it was not perfect.

When Sasuke was five years old, he and his family were invited to the first birthday celebration of Hanabi Hyuuga, youngest daughter of the Hyuuga main family and as the Uchiha main family; socially obligated to go. So, dressed in expensive, stuffy clothes, the four of them set off to the Hyuuga compound. Mikoto, Sasuke's mother, had been in high spirits since she adored small children and was actually companionable with the mother. She had conversed animatedly with all of the attending women, giggling, comparing pregnancy stories and other stereo-typically female interests.

Normally, a very authoritative and commanding man, Fugaku had shrinked away from company, lurking in corners and avoiding appetizers the whole evening. Chalking it up to his father's general dislike of anything and everything non-Uchiha, Sasuke ignored this and spent his time trailing Itachi.

Now, his father's standoffish behavior he could accept but why was his charming and polite nii-san acting like a wallflower? The ten-year old had stuck to walls, hid behind curtains and dived behind screen doors anytime anyone came near him.

"Nii-san, what's wrong? Are you ill?" Sasuke had asked in a whisper. Itachi had decided that walking on the ceiling would decrease the likelihood of anyone finding him, so that is where the two were.

"No Otouto. Stay quiet. It's starting," he said, pulling Sasuke's body closer to his and covering his mouth with a trembling hand. Sasuke wondered what the hell could have been so scary that his prodigy of a brother was trembling from fear of it. He decided to remain quiet.

Suddenly, the remaining attendees began to quiet down. Sasuke heard someone strike a match and move it around. Then, everyone fell completely silent. Then, one unknown voice called out, "One, two, three, go!"

Everyone burst out into 'Happy Birthday.'

For the most part, everyone was on pitch, the women singing a third above the men, but it sounded alright.

Then he heard _it_.

From the lowest of low male voices, a distinct, completely out of pitch singer could be heard. His voice rumbled along the notes, missing beats everywhere and lacking any sort of skill.

Sasuke felt Itachi sigh with relief and loosen his arms. Using the little room gained, the littlest Uchiha craned his neck forward, trying to catch a glimpse of the singers. He made out his mother, wearing a simple green dress with a kunai pressed against Fugaku's back. His father was sweating bullets, lips moving in time with the horrible, tuneless voice.

Sasuke felt his jaw drop. His immaculate, disciplined, powerful father sang like a harpooned whale, slowly being roasted over an open fire.

"Close your mouth Sasuke. I assure you, your nii-san sounds no better," said Itachi, taking to steps back to avoid their parent's detection. His father and mother would be extremely mad that he had escaped, and his father, even more so that he had escaped and not informed him of his genius plan.

"REALLY?" asked Sasuke, turning around. He looked ridiculous, his baby-fat cheeks and dark hair stretching to the floor. Itachi laughed a bit and then sighed.

"Sh! Sasuke! Yes, I sing terribly too, but don't laugh too hard, you share the same genes as we do and probably sound just as lovely."

"..."

After that, Sasuke never sang, ever. Seriously, he had not even sung in the shower. He was too afraid that if he even attempted to hum a note, everyone in the whole world would somehow hear his ear-splitting, horrendous voice, become deaf and put him in jail for ruining everyone's lives. Now, at the age of nineteen, Sasuke realized that people do not jail others for singing badly and that there is no way he could sound much worse than his dad had.

Nonetheless, he was extremely wary of the effectiveness of his plan.

Sasuke had told Naruto that he was a terrible singer, but he had laughed it off and said that he was probably just as great at it as he was at everything else, before bursting out into some song about, 'R-e-s-p-e-c-t' and finding out what it means to him.

Sasuke wanted to sing the blonde a love song. From what he and his brother observed, it was the sort of thing that Naruto would appreciate.

He had already learned how to play the guitar. That had been incredibly easy. He had simply watched a couple of guitar-playing videos, and memorized any sheet music he could find with his sharingan.

It was almost three o'clock, the time when Naruto went to go get his ramen discount coupons from Tsunade. He planned to set his plan into action at seven o'clock when he normally went down for dinner.

Sasuke cursed loudly and jumped into his bed, fully dressed in the new clothes Ino had bought him.

He closed his eyes and remembered the smile Naruto had given him last week when he had allowed the blonde to hug him after Sasuke returned from a long mission.

Naruto was going to be the end of him.

He got up, got his guitar and went to go stand in front of his washroom mirror.

Even if he sucked, he would not be made a fool out of, by being unprepared. He picked up a pick and began playing, and very _very _quietly, as to not crack any windows, he began to sing.


	8. Embarrassment

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Embarrassment -_

"Naruto-kun, why are you asking me about homosexuals?"

"Just you know, trying to get to know you!" said Naruto, sweat-dropping.

"Your idea of getting to know someone, is asking them what they think of homosexuals? Not favorite books or food items?" asked Neji calmly, crossing his arms and raising a dark eyebrow.

"Uh..." Naruto suddenly became very interested in the zipper of his orange jacket.

Neji sighed. "Well, Naruto-kun, homosexuality is not something I find _wrong_." Naruto seemed to perk his ears up at that so Neji continued, knowing he had the blonde's attention. "People should be able to do what they want with their bodies, as long as it is consensual, nobody is getting hurt and all parties are over the age of at least fifteen."

"Thank god! I love you, man!" screamed Naruto, happily resuming his running in circles.

Neji blushed bright pink, all the way up to his hairline, "Wait, WAIT, Naruto! Just because I am okay with gays, does not mean I am gay!"

Naruto stopped and looked confused. "I know..." he said slowly.

"Then you will not take it too badly if I say I do not reciprocate your feelings?"

"TCH! I don't have feelings for you, Neji-san, I love you like a brother! I love Sasuke!" Realizing what he had said, Naruto covered his mouth. He wanted to ask Neji for advice but anonymously, like, 'I have a friend who likes this other guy and he wanted me to advice him as to what to do about this guy.' That way, Neji would _never _guess it was him. Now, he went and screwed up, damn! He was never going to hear the end of this

"Oh really now?" the Hyuuga said, unfolding his arms and placing them on his hips instead.

Now it was Naruto's turn to blush. "...Maybe" he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. He winced in pain at the still-tender patch of skin that Kyuubi had refused to heal.

The normally suave and collected Hyuuga began to grin like a maniac, "Naruto-kun, is that a _hickey_?"

Naruto grew even more embarrassed, turning fully and completely red, "...No!" he managed to squeak out.

Neji broke out into laughter. It had been a long time since he had something this embarrassingly funny

"Shut up! I need your help with Sasuke!"

"Oh, it seems like you all are getting along, _pretty _fine."

"I'm serious!"

"Oh my god, did he fuck you and leave?"

"Huh!?"

"I'm going to _kill _him." His Byakugan activated and his hands began to glow with chakra. Neji was angry to say the least. He considered Naruto as family, after all the things they had done for each other and he would not going to let anyone hurt his family.

"Neji-san! NO, we haven't- , he hasn't-, I mean I haven't let him-, ah! Me and the teme have not had sex yet!"

Neji relaxed and his chakra dissipated. "Then what is it?"

"I'm not sure if he really likes me back," Naruto said quietly, eyes downcast.

Neji took a step forward and put his hand on Naruto's shoulder, "I'm not great with feelings. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

"The beginning, eh? Well, I've liked him for a long time, ever since we were kids. I've had feelings for him all through our genin days but I never really understood them. When he left, I was probably in a worse wreck than even Sakura, although I never showed it."

Neji nodded in understanding. "Although, I think I fully fell in love with him when he came back and apologized. That first night after the war was over, he held both of my hands and promised me he would never leave again and that he was thankful that I accepted him back after all that he did. Then he started becoming all nice! I thought it was crazy at first and suspected something was up. Turns out Sasuke had been reading his brother, Itachi-san's advice book! So, he was still _my _teme but a nicer one, which was good. And then randomly, okay I might have been purposefully provoking him, he jumps me! All over, he starts kissing me and touching me and it felt really nice and he looked super sexy but it seemed to random! So, then I push him off and then he looked all 'emo' and said that he was sorry, but then I said I actually do like him back and then he kissed me again! But then I thought that if I let him kiss me without doing anything, then I would seem cheap! Like a whore! So I told him he's got to work for it! But, I don't know if that was a good idea, he's got a huge ego, just like you!"

"Thank you, Naruto," mumbled Neji, letting out a sigh. His brain was beginning to hurt from Naruto's never-ending run-on sentences and ridiculous logic.

"So I don't know if he's going to pursue me or just think 'forget it' and move on! What do you think, Neji?"

"To be honest, Naruto-kun, we, meaning basically _all _the Konoha ninja, and a couple of the foreign ones, have been suspecting that Sasuke likes you, so I can assure you that he does like you."

"Everyone?"

"Well, it is obvious. I mean, he checks you out all the time. Whenever you eat ramen, train outside, stretch, simply _walk_ in front of him, would you like me to go on?"

Naruto focused on making sure his face did not erupt.

"On the matter of him pursuing you, however, think of it this way; if he is not willing to put his pride away for at least a little while, to do something nice for you, then maybe the relationship would not work out, anyway."

Naruto's face fell and he pouted, blue eyes filled with disappointment. That was that then, he thought.

Neji looked up at the ceiling. Between Lee and Naruto, he had to deal with far too many _feelings _these days.

"Naruto-kun! Don't worry, from what I've observed, he seems to like you a lot. I am certain that he will do something romantic, if not a bit simple. Maybe roses or something like that."

"Why would I want roses? Wait, would they be orange?" asked Naruto hopefully.

"Uh, yeah..." said Neji, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Thanks for listening and the advice, Neji-san! It made me feel a lot better."

Just then, the Hokage's doors swung open and Tsunade stepped forward. "What are you still doing here?" she asked, "You should have called the next shift in, half an hour ago. I'm not giving you overtime."

"Can I have my ramen coupon?"

"Shizune, give it to him and join me in the hospital, we should make rounds."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Naruto got his coupons and jumped out the window, screaming, "Thanks again, Neji-san! And when you and Tenten finally get together, you can come to me for advice! Believe it!"

Neji pinched the bridge of his nose. Although he loved Naruto in the platonic sense, sometimes he wanted to tape his mouth shut. Naruto was just plain embarrassing, for himself and everyone around him.

Imagine if Tenten had heard him.

Blushing and scowling in a way only Neji could, he turned the corner to call the next shift in.

It just _happened_ to consist of Yamanaka Ino and Tenten.

Fuck.

After Naruto experiences that first sliver of happiness with Sasuke, Neji was going to kill him.

. . .

Snickering, Naruto ran home and fell onto his bed. He totally knew that Tenten and Ino were there.

He tucked himself into bed, setting an alarm. He knew it would not work but he set it anyway. Innocently, he day-dreamed of Sasuke blushing and proposing to him with black cat ears and a tail, until eventually, he fell asleep, grinning ear-to-ear. Embarrassing imagination-Sasuke was fun.

Then, he really _did _begin to dream of Sasuke, except this time, the dream was sexy and sensual. Naruto was shirtless, straddling Sasuke's lap, with yellow fox ears and a bushy tail. He was running his hands through the bright yellow fur, lapping at the sensitive skin he had marred the night before and whispering_ dirty_ promises in his ear.


	9. At Last!

**Letters From Nii-San**

- _At Last -_

It was seven fifteen p.m. when Sasuke Uchiha began to tremble like a leaf in a storm.

The poor boy was perched atop Ichiraku's roof listening to the sounds of Naruto conversing with the restaurant staff while slurping up bowls of miso ramen. It was a slow business day in the food district, not many went out to eat on a Tuesday night, leaving Naruto as the only patron in the small roadside stand. Additionally, not many were mulling about in the streets either. The only person he could actually make out was Kakashi sensei, sitting in a tree a good 100 metres away; reading a book whose cover was obscured in darkness.

Sasuke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He really hoped that Naruto liked this. There was nothing else _more _romantic that he could think of doing. After some more mental reassurance and a quick humming of scales, he re-adjusted the strap on his shoulder one final time and dropped silently to the floor.

"Hey Naruto! Slow down! We are all out of soya sauce, hold up! Ayame, you hold down the fort, I'll go run and get some more."

With that, the restaurant owner exited the stall, completely ignoring his daughter's cries to pick up extra eggs as well. Sasuke took that opportunity to soundlessly sneak into the stand. Naruto continued eating, unperturbed by the commotion, humming in that happy way of his as he shoved some extra long noodles into his mouth.

Sasuke cleared his throat.

Naruto whirled around, before thinking to check for chakra signatures.

"Sasuke!? What are you doing? I already said you'd have to, oh my..." The blonde's voice quieted, from a yell to a soft whisper as he took in Sasuke's appearance.

The Uchiha was wearing a tastefully, form-fitting grey sweater. It was cable-knit and comfy-looking yet stylish through the subtle detailing around the v-neck collar. He had bunched up the sleeves around his elbows. Under it, he wore dark blue low rise trousers. They fit him perfectly, bagging nicely around the knees and on the floor, completed with the black boots he had become accustomed to wearing since his time with Orochimaru.

Naruto attempted to swallow. If he was not in ninja gear, Sasuke could be found wearing some ridiculous variation of a draped curtain or even worse, _rope _belts. Naruto had never seen Sasuke wear _anything_ like this. It hugged him in all the right places, and suited his tall frame perfectly. Somehow, he looked sexy yet mysterious, leaving certain things to the imagination but enhancing others.

Sasuke cleared his throat again, nervous with all of Naruto's staring.

"Dobe, I have something to give you," he said.

"...Huh?" There was that Itachi-level eloquence again.

Sasuke shook his head, blinked twice and swung the guitar from his back to the front.

"That thing looks like Madara or Tobi's old weapon!" cried Naruto pointing an accusatory finger at the giant wooden figure eight.

"Naruto! It's a guitar! Now if you'd shut up for all of three minutes and twenty-two seconds, I could use it!" Almost to accent his sentence, Sasuke played a very agitated sounding D minor chord variation.

Naruto did not say anything, nobody in Konoha played the guitar so its sound was something new and exciting. Sasuke must have traveled far away to find this instrument; Naruto wondered if this thing was what Sasuke wanted to give to him.

He was just about to ask Sasuke what exactly he was going to do with the guitar when he started to play it. He held one hand at the instrument's neck pressing and releasing strings in a complicated pattern while the other hand struck the strings on top of a cut-out circle in the instrument.

Naruto was enraptured. He sounded-, it sounded _unreal,_ impossibly beautiful. The sound was gentle, soft, and vulnerable sounding, so very unlike something he would think Sasuke could be. The sound was light and airy, notes soaring high over his heart, making him feel happy and the world seem close together, intimate even.

Then he started to sing.

Naruto's eyes widened ever so slightly, he did not want to Sasuke to notice or else he would stop. He remembered that Sasuke said he was a bad singer, horrendous even, but at the time he had thought he was just being an egoistic teme.

As he sang the third line, and the notes began to rise, Naruto realized that neither of them had been right.

Sasuke was not _horrible _but he was not so great either. Yes, his voice was smooth and reached each note, but he did not really have much technical skill, meaning his sound remained static with unrefined transitions and emotions.

Naruto smiled. It was rare for Sasuke to even acknowledge something that he was not perfect at, let alone showcase it to him, his childhood best-friend and rival.

However, they were now _more_ than that, were they not?

On that train of thought, Naruto began to listen to the lyrics realizing that Sasuke was already on the pre-chorus, hands moving flawlessly across the strings (well, maybe he was not hopeless at all music).

The song was not an all-out love song; no over the top declarations and promises of marriage and eternal love. However, it was romantic in its own right, speaking of nights under star lit skies, trying to memorize each color in each other's eyes.

Naruto was so touched, as he realized that Sasuke had changed some lyrics just to match him, teasing him even with phrases like 'watching you sleep every night,' being turned into 'bearing your snores every night.'

Eventually, Sasuke finished the song and shifted the guitar on to his back once more.

"Naruto, you deserve a lot of things, great things, romantic things, compliments, anything, so I have no idea why you'd want me, since I can't even properly convey anything really. Although if you still do want this and aren't too disgusted with me and my numerous short-comings, I'll prove to you that I can do anything to keep you happy... although, this romance business isn't really my-"

" Sasuke," said Naruto, looking down, "For once, you're the one trying to prove something to me, eh?"

"N-Naruto?"

"Please don't say anything," he said, walking over to Sasuke. He gripped the Uchiha's grey sweater and pulled him close to him. He leaned into his shoulder and began to tremble, holding back so many emotions and reassuring the fact that yes, this was _Sasuke Uchiha,_ the single most important person in his life and he was not going to leave.

"Naruto, please, I-"

Naruto looked up from his little nook in Sasuke's shoulder; blue eyes filled with tears, and wiped his sleeve across his nose. "I, I, I'm so happy," he whispered, breaking out into a crooked, watery smile.

"N-N-Naruto, will you be my boyfriend?" asked Sasuke, with sincerity, none of the cockiness he had from the previous morning, which seemed so long ago.

"Yes," Here, Ayame burst into tears, "But on one condition."

"Anything."

"You sure, teme?"

"...Yes."

"I didn't know you trusted me that much, Sasuke."

"...Neither did I."

Naruto grinned wickedly, brought himself flush against Sasuke and whispered breathlessly and erotically, lips pressed into his ear, "I. Want. You. To..."

Sasuke could feel his breathe quicken as Naruto wrapped his arms around his shoulders. His body heated up; reacting to the way Naruto was roughly dragging his fingertips down his back. Things were going to get a lot less sweet and a lot more _spicy_ if he kept that up. Sasuke shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Grow your hair out," Naruto deadpanned, pulling back and crossing his hands behind his head, "You look like you're trying too hard."


	10. Uchiha Problems

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Uchiha Problems -_

"You are supposed to say 'Fuck Me! I want you to fuck me,' not 'I want you to grow your hair out!'" screeched Ayame, wielding the voices of all the fan-girls on tumblr. Naruto's blunt statement had shaken her out of her blessed yaoi-induced reverie and _just _when it was about to get good! She brandished a heavy metal pot at the two blushing ninjas .

"Oh my, you think you'd be able to get a bowl of noodles without having to fuck someone, or grow your hair out..." said a teasingly smooth voice from the far right side of the booth.

Ayame blushed and put the pot down, innocently folding her hands behind her back. Kakashi gave her a wink and glanced back down at his book.

"Kakashi sensei, when'd you get here, you creepy stalker!?" bellowed Naruto pointing yet another accusatory finger at the older man.

"I was always here, Naruto-kun, you were just too pre-occupied to notice little old me in my usual green jacket, no mouth-wateringly sexy grey sweaters... " he replied nonchalantly. Naruto blushed and tried to formulate a response to Kakashi's embarrassing point while Sasuke self-consciously folded his hands over his body. It is most definitely awkward when a teacher calls his ex-student hot.

"Relax, Naruto, you two are very cute and I wish you all the best. Although, I'm not sure what Sakura would have to say on the matter."

"So you're okay with this?" asked Sasuke, looking up to hear their sensei's opinion.

The jonin nodded jovially and flicked another one of his book's pages. Naruto grinned and punched the air and Sasuke smiled a bit too, his approval was one of the few that actually mattered to them.

Suddenly, Naruto took a step closer to Sasuke, slid one hand around his waist, another onto his shoulder and his chin on top of that.

"Naruto... this is fine, but I'm not comfortable with PDAs in general."

"..."

"Eh, we can kiss a little bit too if you really want!"

"..."

At this point Sasuke almost pouted, Kakashi and one waitress were alright if they were just going to touch hands or even lightly kiss but anything more was just unacceptable to him. He was just about to voice his opinion when he felt Naruto sigh dejectedly into his shirt, turning his face into the pale skin of Sasuke's neck.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" asked the taller of the two, pulling out of the embrace and scanning the blonde's eyes. Kakashi had said that he approved of this, and had even called them cute, so what was Naruto so worked up about? What did he say that could have put him in such a-? Oh.

"I just, well, I just never really thought about Sakura during this whole thing," he said, sitting back on to his seat. He began swirling his chopsticks around in the salty soup. "Well like, I considered asking her for advice on what to do with you being an emotionless teme and what not, but I knew she had feelings for you so I didn't. But I never figured that you'd actually do something romantic for me, and properly confess. Now, I don't know what to do, I want to be with you so badly but I won't hurt her either!"

Sasuke stood dumbstruck, rooted to the floor where he stood.

He had degraded himself into asking Ino to take him clothes shopping for something nice to wear, cut his hair which he had worn in the same style for all 18 years of his life, found a guitar, learned how to read music and play this guitar, actually _sang, _threw his pride to the wind and even confessed how insecure and awkward he really felt and how much he wanted to make this work.

And Naruto did not 'know what to do,' because Sakura maintained a schoolgirl crush on him.

Kakashi scouted over and patted Naruto on the shoulder still keeping his eyes trained on the book in his hands.

Sasuke looked up at the ceiling and ran his fingers through his hair. He really did not know what to say.

On one side, he was eternally grateful to the pink-haired girl; for her (however badly executed) empathies, perpetual belief in his abilities and for trying to make team seven more of a family when it felt like everything was falling apart. He still liked and respected Sakura nowadays. The girl had become the head medical ninja at the Intensive Care Unit and he had even read and helped her with many of her medical papers using Itachi's findings.

However, on other occasions; he really just wanted to shake her until she came to her senses.

He was not really sure what exactly he did to get her (and most of the female teen population) so infatuated with him and who exactly thought that he, at eight years of age, would appreciate ridiculous Valentine's Day cards, random glompings in hallways and professions of undying love?

He understood that he was good looking, his entire family was known for their looks, but he did not believe that one could fall in love with looks alone; maybe lust, but not love.

Since his first day as a genin, Sakura had claimed that she really liked, and was always inviting him to random places or to her own house. However, Sakura had never once just sat down and asked him why he was so depressed, what he actually liked to do in his spare time, or even what his favourite color was.

Sasuke figured that she had started off as having a crush on him (similar to Ino's) and then progressed onto liking the _idea _of Sasuke; the dark handsome mysterious smooth-talker who would come and sweep her off her feet into realms of intimate love and adventure. However, Sasuke was not that person; he was a reserved, logical, focused and simple man who very rarely got worked up after the emotional whirlwind he had experienced a little over a year ago.

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose.

He was also gay.

Internally swearing at the incomprehensible logic of women, he turned to face Naruto. The depressed teenager was slumped over his ramen bowl and Kakashi still had a comforting hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Sensei, what do I do?!" Naruto whined.

Kakashi giggled a bit and said, "If Gai was here, he'd give you some advice about throwing everything else to the wind and enjoying your time with Sasuke. He'd also say YOYLO."

"What's YOYLO?"

"It stands for, 'You Only Youthfully Live Once.'"

"Ew," said Sasuke and Naruto simultaneously. Even Ayame, who had passed out after Kakashi's wink, nodded in agreement."

"Kakashi sensei!" yelled Naruto, "I'm asking you what I should do, not bushier-brows sensei!"

"Hmm, I don't actually know. I've never been good with dealing with these issues."

"Thanks a lot, sensei..." Naruto mumbled, resting his head back on the counter.

Kakashi hmm-ed apologetically and said, "Let's see what Itachi-san has to say on the matter!" flipping the book to Mission # 280 and smiling in that upside-down 'u' way of his.

Sasuke did a double take. "WHAT?!"


	11. Too Honest

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Too Honest -_

"Tch, you think you were the only one to receive letters from Itachi-san?" asked Kakashi, giving Sasuke a disbelieving look.

Sasuke looked away from his sensei. Those letters were supposed to be _his _letters, from _his _nii-san. Yes, Itachi had mentioned Kakashi a couple of times, but he figured that was only because he was his sensei. Now he was officially jealous, not only had they got to fight side-by-side, but Itachi must have really liked him to give him a set of his own letters. "...Yes," he mumbled.

Kakashi giggled. "Stop looking so depressed, Sasuke. You are the only one he wrote letters to. I just stole your book."

Although he was angry that Kakashi _also_ apparently liked to monitor his stuff, he felt an odd sense of relief that he was the only one Itachi liked enough to write for. "You're a dick, Kakashi."

"Am I Kisame's dick? Because, you know, then I don't mind. And also, since you're gay, is that actually an indirect compliment?" teased the teacher.

"Hey, am I the only one who actually wants to figure what we need to do to make this right by everyone?" asked Naruto, butting in between the two lightning users.

"You're right Naruto-kun, let's see..." And with that he held up the book for the three ninja (and one waitress) to see.

**_Dear Kakashi-sempai, Naruto-kun and Otouto,_**

_I am not exactly sure where you are reading this, but I would like for you to take a minute to evaluate how ridiculous you look if you are reading this book in a public location since Kakashi-san somehow chooses to read in the most public and awkward of places._

_Like that one time when we were assigned to ensure a very high-profile wedding was safe. As they kissed on camera, Kakashi-sempai could be seen reading one of his books right at the altar.__  
_

Everyone looked around themselves. They indeed looked awkward.

Both Naruto and Sasuke were craning their necks over Kakashi's shoulders and their faces were much too close as if they were all sharing a bowl of ramen. Sasuke took a step back, Naruto awkwardly slid into the seat beside him and Kakashi tilted the book backwards so everyone could comfortably read the tiny font.

_That being said, I would also like to congratulate you, Sasuke, for having the confidence to publically serenade Naruto-kun, especially with what I warned you at the Hyuuga mansion. _

_Maybe this would be the appropriate time to say that our maternal grandfather was a renowned singer and that you have always taken after mother's side? _

Here everyone paused to hear the resounding smack of an open palm across a deserving forehead-

_I am sorry, Sasuke. The only reason I did not tell you is because I was jealous. I, unlike you, was unlucky enough to inherit his voice that sounds like the last breaths of a dying, deaf peacock._

_Anyway, now I shall address Naruto's most imminent concern,_

_How exactly does Kakashi's hair manage to stand up like that?_

_Well, Naruto-kun, that is a good question. I believe it is one of the seven secrets of Konoha along with what is under his mask. Personally, I think he uses an extremely weak version of Chidori on his hair every morning. _

_One time, we were assigned a mission together, and every morning during that month-long mission (Are you jealous, Otouto? :P), he would wake-up before me and spend forty five minutes in the washroom, _after _there were no more sounds of running water._

_However, you never know, he could have been jerking off._

_Were you jerking off Kakashi-sempai?_

Kakashi could feel Sasuke and Naruto's questioning stares bore into the back of his head, or rather into the centre of his hair. He blushed. He felt rather awkward.

_Now really, Kakashi-sempai, considering the grade of the literary porn that you now read, do you really have any right to blush? I remember you used to read and re-read that one really terrible smut trilogy every day before Jiraiya-sama's books came out._

_What was it called? Fifty types of Kunai? Or Fifty shades of Chakra? _

"EW, KAKASHI SENSEI, I CAN'T BELEIVE YOU READ THE FIFTY SHADES SERIES, THOSE ARE SO BAD THEY MAKE JIRAIYA'S BOOKS LOOK LIKE FREAKING SHAKESPEARE!" shouted Naruto as even Sasuke started shaking his head. Ayame had a sour look on his face. If she and Kakashi ever got together, she would have to show him some better literary porn.

_;)_

_However, as much as I would like to stall this highly depressing matter, I must address Naruto-kun's actual concern._

_What do we do about Sakura Haruno?_

_Naruto-kun, I am going to ask you to play along with this hypothetical for a little while, however unbelievable it may seem. It is the best way for me to illustrate what I am trying to say. A verbal genjutsu per say._

_When Sasuke returned home, suppose that you had not noticed Sasuke's suddenly sociable demeanor and suppose that Sakura had. Now, suppose that I had misinterpreted my brother's affections and had been advising him to be with Sakura-chan during the time-frame in which she approaches Sasuke._

_Now, suppose that my brother, being the endearingly emotionally dysfunctional child that he is, gets confused about his affections for you, gets together with Sakura and produces a new generation of violet-haired Uchihas._

_What would she do about _you_, Naruto-kun?_

_._

_Nothing_

Kakashi felt something begin trembling near his shoulder. He looked up to find Naruto clutching his shoulder with one hand and furiously rubbing his eyes with another. Then, he saw Sasuke move over to squeeze the hand on his shoulder and lift one of Kakashi's own to place it on top of both of theirs.

The gesture was simple but spoke volumes. It showed that Sasuke would never leave him, and although he had not voluntarily moved his hand, Kakashi would support his unfortunate students through anything. After all of the bullshit they had been through, they deserved this much at least.

He flipped the page with his unoccupied hand.

_Even if she still believed that you liked her, and not Sasuke, inflicting the pain of having to watch your best friend and your love get together, __even if she still remained your good friend, __is a cruel act, , is it not? You may disagree, however, from what I have observed; she would not second-guess her actions if they could jeopardize her and Sasuke's relationship._

_ I do not know if this is because she is simply that enamored with my brother, or if she clings to the idea of being the only one my seemingly unattainable brother could love. _

Sasuke closed his eyes. Itachi's words had confirmed what he had just been thinking; Sakura was in love with the idea of him, rather than the actual him.

_And as much as you would be justified to do so, I know that you, Naruto-kun, will not leave Sakura-chan out to dry like that. For all of her issues, she is one of the few people who cares for you and has supported you when the world was falling apart._

Sasuke vowed that he was going to punch himself when he got home tonight.

Although he did not regret leaving Konoha (how could he regret learning about his brother's true past and obtaining enough information to finally kill the last of the akatsuki?), he hated all of the social dynamics that changed when he left.

He resumed reading.

_Alright then, now that I am sure I have thoroughly depressed everyone reading this book, I would like to apologize and move on._

_After all, problems are not solved by harping and dwelling, but by action plans._

_Here is yours._


	12. Konan's Pig-Tails

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Konan's Pig-Tails -_

_Here is your next mission, a joint one._

**_Mission # 282_**

_Get Sakura to Ship SasuNaru_

_1) No matter how much he whines and argues against it, you must get Sasuke to speak with Sakura and firmly tell her that he does not have romantic feelings for her and more importantly that he is gay._

_(If she still pursues Sasuke after he comes out of the closet, then there is really not much else to do other than to grit your teeth and bear with her advances like he always has.)_

_However, assuming she responds well to what Otouto has to say, like I think she will, then you will have to introduce the idea of you two together. Sasuke and Sakura should re-kindle their friendship to the point where Sasuke can actually confide his interest in Naruto, with Sakura. _

_Psychologically speaking, people tend to accept things they would not normally approve of when they are among the privileged few to know of the thing. Use this to your advantage. Make her feel as though she is the one helping you two find a relationship with each other. _

_This seems to work extra well with females. For some reason that I still cannot figure out, women seem to find great joy in imagining ridiculous relationships and proceeding to 'ship' them or even make them their OTP. (I think I gave a detailed explanation on 'shipping' and 'OTPs' for __**Mission 45**__.) _

_To this very moment, as I sit in my room and write this entry, Konan is on a very dedicated mission to hook Sasori up with Deidara to create the most dysfunctional couple in the world and blow up the Akatsuki base. Last night, while he was asleep, she managed to take pictures of Deidara with his hair tied into two pigtails with paper flower accessories. So currently, this damned place is filled with Deidara's screams as he tries to cut the flowers off and Konan giggling and trying to make Sasori admit Deidara looks, 'kawaii' in the photo._

_Unfortunately, she also 'ships' me and Kisame together._

_So tonight, I fear that I might wake up with hair like the ditz from Sailor Moon._

_The things I do for you, Otouto... _

_Anyway, back to the plan._

_2) Next, Naruto has to come out of the closet to Sakura and since they are already close, he can jump right into his affections for Sasuke. _

_So at that point, she would have realized that you reciprocated romantic feelings and could choose to do nothing about it, try to stop it from happening or encourage it along._

_Regardless of what she ends up doing, the both of you will have done right by Sakura-chan, if you follow those two simple steps._

Naruto slipped his hands away from Kakashi's shoulder and cradled the back of his head. Itachi-san's idea was much better than rushing to reveal their relationship to the medical ninja, but he still was not sure it would work or not. At the very least, she would not be surprised if she ever found out that they were boyfriends.

He yawned and scratched his nose. Today had put his heart and his brain on a roller coaster and he was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to curl up and fall asleep in his warm, comfy bed.

He glanced at Sasuke's profile and bit his lip.

Although, he would not mind falling asleep, in _his _bed...

Naruto shook his head and paid for his ramen; waving goodbye to Ayame and her returned father.

"Eh, Sasuke," he started, smiling at the guitar still strapped to his back, "I was wondering if you wanted to... Sasuke?"

The Uchiha barely nodded as he and Kakashi continued reading the book. Itachi-san had already told them what they needed to do about Sakura, so what were they still reading about.

"HEY, YOU GUYS!?" he called but it was to no avail; the two men with selective hearing paid him no attention. Naruto frowned at them, were they reading the next mission? How interesting could it possibly be?

He stepped in beside Sasuke and peered over the taller boy's shoulder, eyes quickly scanning the page until it slowed to a tentative crawl, giving his brain enough time to digest his words.

_3) Also, Naruto-kun, I am not sure if you are consciously aware of this but my Otouto, although more popular, is not the only with female admirers. You, as I know Sasuke has noticed , have quite a few girls who follow you just as rabidly as more to do him._

_(The only reason you do not know this is because I think Sasuke runs to your apartment every morning and burns any letters you may have gotten over the night :P)_

"I HAD FAN-GIRLS, WHOOT! YOU'R SUCH A TEME SASUKE, I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO READ THOSE!"

_You must not think of him too badly, he inherited the possessive spouse gene. _

_I remember one day Inuzuka Tsume-san sent our father a dish of filet mignon as thanks for some advice he gave her and mother burned the food, its container and anything related to dogs in the entire house._

_..._

_I am sorry Sasuke. Your stuffed dog Nino? No, it was not I who lost him, it was mother who burned him and buried him in the backyard... _

Naruto burst out laughing and Kakashi's shoulders hitched with the tension of restraining himself from doing the same thing.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! Nino? That's so cute, little Sasu-chan misses Nino-kun?" roared the blonde, clutching his sides as he read more of this hilarious entry. Sasuke looked away, completely embarrassed. He had not spoken to his nii-san for a whole week because he had lost Nino in the Rain Country.

_Anyway, Naruto has one admirer, who likes him almost as much as Sakura does Sasuke and whose affections are almost as well-known. Her name is Hinata Hyuuga._

Contrary to what Itachi had believed, Naruto actually knew that Hinata liked him. In fact, they had even been on a couple dates before they realized that she only really admired him as a role model, and he felt for her as one would a younger sister or close friend.

The two had parted on great terms and Naruto had been more than happy when Kiba decided to finally man up, (or maybe woman-up considering his family) and ask her out three months later.

_I suggest you confront her too, if you have not already, Naruto-kun. Or Sasuke just might confront her with his Susanoo._

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Naruto. Naruto had not said anything after his fan-girl outrage a few minutes ago.

Naruto put his hands up, "Me and Hinata have already talked! It just didn't work out, too platonic, you know? She's happy with Kiba and I'm happy with you. She is the least of our worries, Sasuke. "

Sasuke relaxed his face and his death grip on Kakashi's now bruised shoulder loosened. Naruto was understanding and emotional; he would never lose his cool over some fan-girl who fantasized too much, but Sasuke was a whole other story. It would have been a shame to kill the pretty Hyuuga, she was a good cook.

He swept his hair out of his eyes and smiled widely. Naruto was _his. _Nobody was allowed to even think about him romantically. Naruto blanched at Sasuke's huge creeper grin.

Sasuke held out a hand and changed his smile to a more flirtatious one. "I want you to come home to bed with me, Naruto," he said desperately.

Naruto blushed and shook his head furiously. "Sasuke, no! We need to make this right with everyone else before we take that f-f-final step. And it's only been like two days since we confessed!"

"Why dobe?" he smirked, "We've slept together many times before. The only difference this time around, would be that I would hold you through the night."

Kakashi could not stop laughing.


	13. The Hopeless Romantic

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- The Hopeless Romantic -_

"Ohhh, you meant _sleep _sleeping..." murmured Naruto, scratching the back of his head while his blush cleared away.

Sasuke took one step forward and interlaced his hands around Naruto's neck, smirking deviously all the while. "Of course, Naruto. What could you have _possibly_ been thinking of, other than that?" He ran his hands up and down the others back and rested them low on his hips, dragging his fingers across the waistband of his pants.

"Well, I was thinking sex," replied Naruto, not really catching on to the little motions the Uchiha's hands were making or the innuendos in his voice. "What with all the kissing and stuff that's been going on lately, it seemed like the next thing to do. Plus I figured your pretty-boy clothes were not just for the show."

"..."

"You looked and sang good by the way."

"..."

"WHAT?"

"...You really are a dobe."

"What did I do?"

"Nothing. You never do anything, you never think of anything either."

"Huh?"

"...Say Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi again."

"No!"

"Fine then, let's just go home."

The followed Kakashi's steps till they reached the main road.

"Let's go to my house, Naruto."

"Why?"

"Because your room is probably a mess and I don't want to spend our first night together surrounded by the smell of MSG and moldy chopsticks!"

"Yeah, because the smell of jerk is so much nicer!"

"Hn. What does that even mean?"

"You should know, you jer- WAIT. Wait, wait, wait, _wait, _you care about how we spend out first night together?"

"..."

"Oh my god-"

"Wait, Naruto don't-"

"SASUKE IS A HOPELESS ROMANTIC!"

"NARUTO-"

"HMMMPPPHHHHH!"

"Okay, okay, fine! We can stay at your place, I don't _actually _care... Stupid dobe, putting words into my mouth..."

Sasuke could feel Naruto grin right into the palm he was holding up against his mouth to muffle his screams and when he retracted it, the Uchiha saw the smuggest look in existence plastered across Naruto's face.

The blonde practically skipped all the way to his house, barely looking back to check up on Sasuke.

As he saw the mop of yellow hair bouncing up and down with the direction of his jumps, Sasuke could not help but smile. The way he was rushing ahead meant something important to the two of them.

When Sasuke had first come back, Naruto had always walked right behind or beside Sasuke. When asked about it, the blonde had replied that he was on Hokage orders but as all of his restrictions were lifted, he still continued to travel beside him at arm's length away. Sasuke had hated the distrust and vulnerability that the blonde had exuded and one day, he had gripped his face in his hands and promised him something.

"Naruto, you don't need to worry about me anymore. You never should have had to, it's now how we-, it, is supposed to work. I want you to believe just this; no matter which way you go, I will always be behind you, whether you want me to or not," he had said. His little speech was in no way clear or even really coherent but when he said it, holding Naruto close and staring into his sceptical blue eyes with his own sincere black ones, Sasuke knew that Naruto would understand what he was trying to say.

Naruto was reluctant at first but eventually, he managed to zoom along in front the Uchiha, like he had when they were kids, and trust him to be there without looking back.

Sasuke was so lost in his thoughts that he did not even bother to check if Naruto had actually entered his rooms. The suite's lights were not on, but it would have been very _Naruto, _of Naruto, to be so excited about the sleepover that he forgot to turn on the lights, so Sasuke casually walked on inside. He paused in the foyer hashing out which of his favourite things he was indulging in first; food or sleep.

The answer was neither, realized Sasuke as he was slammed into the adjacent wall. Disoriented, he felt rather than heard someone kick the door closed and the minute 'click' as it locked into place.

As he was just getting his bearings after the hit, Sasuke felt a very hot and solid body shove him again even more harshly, knocking the wind out of him and probably damaging the guitar still strapped to his back while a pair of even hotter lips crash onto his own.

Sasuke momentarily forgave Naruto for the multiple bruises he would surely receive from the guitar and kissed him back. The kiss went on for minutes and Sasuke was pleasantly surprised that the current Naruto was fighting him for dominance rather than the docile (but still sexy) creature that seemed to completely submit to him last morning. Sasuke's tongue explored Naruto's mouth and he savored the unique taste he found there and Naruto tasted him back, rubbing his tongue along the underside of Sasuke's.

Much too soon, the boys became heady from the smell of pheromones in the air and were forced to take a very small step away. Sasuke's arms immediately came up to surround the blonde's torso in compensation, as the two rested their foreheads on each other's shoulder. Sasuke noted that Naruto smelt like ramen, spice and something darker, maybe the smell of Kyuubi or just him. Sasuke licked right above his collarbone to verify whether he tasted half as good as he smelt.

He did.

Breathing heavily, Naruto blindly fumbled to release the buckle on Sasuke's guitar strap and managed to get it open. Gently, he placed the guitar atop the cleanest horizontal surface he could find. Sasuke raised his eyebrow when the blonde began to reverently stroke the shiny wood exterior.

"I want you to play for me later," he mumbled embarrassed.

It was just like Naruto to kiss and taste him so aggressively one moment and then blush about asking him to simply play an instrument the next. Rolling his eyes, Sasuke nodded and motioned for him to come back to him. Once they were close enough to touch again, Sasuke wrapped an arm around his torso and raised a hand to his face.

Using one pale forefinger, he traced the blonde's saliva-slick lips and dragged the finger downwards to smear some of the clear liquid that had collected at the corners of his mouth and chin. Sasuke was transfixed; mesmerized by the sight and feeling of Naruto's wet, pliable mouth trembling under his ministrations.

Still fascinated, he brought the finger away from Naruto's skin and raised it to his own lips. He was just about to place it in his own mouth when Naruto suddenly leaned forward and grabbed that same hand.

With darkened, half-lidded eyes, he wrapped his own full red lips around the digit and sucked _hard_. He felt only a little smug when the other made a high-pitched gasp.

"N-N-Naruto... L-L-Let m-m-me g-g-go..." rasped Sasuke. He was not expecting that from Naruto but his body seemed to enjoy the sensation regardless.

Naruto ignored him. Smiling around the finger, the blonde moaned, more seductively than he realized and Sasuke was forced to let out a strangled exhale. He tried ineffectively to calm down.

That is when he moaned again.

Naruto's breathe caught in his throat when Sasuke forcibly pulled the finger from his mouth and turned around to slam him into the door instead. He regained his bearings much faster than his boyfriend had.

"Sasuke, I _want _this so badly..." Naruto said, craning his neck forward to touch the other's lips again.

So then, for the second time in as many days, Sasuke fucking _lost _it.


	14. Possessive Licks & Crazy Kinks

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Possessive Licks & Crazy Kinks -_

In three seconds flat, Sasuke had Naruto's jacket off and was latched back onto the skin he marked earlier. If the moans and pants were anything to go by, it was still a sensitive spot for him and he only just was barely licking it.

He bit down on it.

"AH! SASUKE, What the he-, oh,_ ughh_ mphhff!" Naruto did not even try to be coherent anymore, he was feeling an overload of conflicting sensations, pain and pleasure and he could barely tell them apart. All he knew was that he liked how it made him feel. He twisted his hands in the other's hair and pulled him closer in a silent demand for more of that desire coursing through him.

Sasuke switched from his collarbone to his lower lip, and tried to claim every millimetre of his mouth. When Naruto glanced down he could just make out Sasuke's tongue disappear into his own mouth and then reappear to lap up the blood on his lips. His eyes were half-lidded while a cute pink flush spread over his face and neck. Naruto screwed his eyes shut and had to distract himself from the sight, _'expired milk, cockroaches, Lee's eye brows,'_ or else he would have cum in his pants.

"Mmm...Naru-to."

_'More Lee.'_

Sasuke was having none of that. He grasped Naruto's chin, tilted it down and thrust his tongue into his mouth in one particular angle that made Naruto' eyelids flutter open and give him all his attention. Seeing the possessiveness in Sasuke's eyes, Naruto thought that he had never been so turned on in his entire life. He did not even think it was _possible_ to be more aroused than this without exploding.

"Y-You... Don't even... _Know_... How much I... I Want... I Want _You_... All of you... You're all mine... Uzumaki," mumbled Sasuke. The dark-haired male was also struggling to collect his thoughts, distracted by scorching kisses and dizziness. He was trying so hard to restrain himself from ripping their clothes off and memorizing every inch of his boyfriend's body with his eyes, hands, _tongue. _

Naruto could have died happy right there, hearing what the other said. Sasuke had always been possessive over the things he loved and now he wanted to possess him.

It was too perfect.

And then all of a sudden it was not. Naruto mentally groaned. He hated always being the one to remember where and who they were. Curse Sasuke and his one-track mind.

"Sas-Sasuke, ah, ah, Wait! Sasuke!" Naruto pulled Sasuke off of him and held him at arm's length. "I don't want our first time to be now. When it happens, I want to have no other thoughts on my mind and that time is not now. Please Sasuke?"

The Uchiha pouted. Really. He fully stuck his lip out and Naruto found that it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen him do. He grinned widely and kissed that protruding lip. "Come on, Sasuke! I'm sure there are other things we can think of doing tonight, right? Right?" he asked convincingly, nuzzling the other's neck.

Now there were many, _many _things other than having sex that the two could have done.

As Naruto imagined the possibilities, he thought up scenarios based upon feeding each other samples of ramen while Sasuke played another song until they fell asleep spooning.

As Sasuke imagined the possibilities, he thought about every _other_ sexual act but the actual penetration.

"You're right Naruto, we should remember that," he replied. He smirked at the blonde's unassuming face and petted him across the cheek. The action was deceptively innocent. He gave him a minute and waited until Naruto opened his mouth like he wanted to say something.

Then, he ripped off both their tops, melded their bodies together and reclaimed his rightful spot in Naruto's hot mouth. Naruto shifted in surprise and suddenly, their hips were locked together and their pants were creating an amazing friction against their arousals.

"Sasuke! I told you, we shouldn't! I'm so hot, I-"

"I know and we won't. Just _Aaahh! _D-Don't move so much, Naruto."

With the way Naruto was squirming, their chests were sliding _up and down_ each other's bodies. The sweat-slicked motion made such a lewd sound that Sasuke had to pull back and catch his breath.

Holding back a whine at the loss of contact, Naruto moved forward to resume their kissing but the other was still panting too hard.

Then Naruto had an idea.

The few times Naruto had ever played with himself, he had really liked one part of the 'individual foreplay,' very much.

He wrapped one hand around Sasuke's waist and splayed another on the left side of his chest. He traced wide lines up and down his body and snuck the other hand further down. Then when Sasuke seemed to have calmed down, he raked one of his fingers down his chest and groped his ass with the other.

"Ahh! Dobe, that, _ahh, _wait, I-... Naruto?" Sasuke noticed he was not responding and looked at Naruto's eyes. The blonde was focused on the angry red marks he had made on Sasuke's skin. He traced them lightly, smiling the whole time.

"Ehehe, I guess that not everyone gets into the scratching, huh?" he said, looking up to meet Sasuke's eyes.

"Obviously not, but I don't mind it. But that wasn't what I was talking about."

"Hmm?"

"Your eyes are red, Naruto... You look like you're under the Kyuubi's influence."

"Legit?! That's strange because I feel totally fine and in control. I'm not feeling any intense emotion, oh wait..." Naruto blushed and looked away.

"You have a scratch kink?"

"I think Kurama might."

"Does that mean you're going to indulge your demon's kinks as sex kinks on me?..."

"Ehehehe."

"Great. Fuck Naruto, get demon fox half off!"

"Well screw you too, you're not exactly normal yourself! If I recall, you used to raise a _garden snake _in a shoe box, under your bed, for three whole months after you came back!"

"You knew about that? How did you find out?"

"...I don't want to talk about. It's turning me off," Naruto glared up at Sasuke. His eyes were now completely blue and his face was pulled into a boy-ish scowl.

"Hissing at you from under the toilet seat?"

"URGH, YES. NOW CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON? I swear it crept out and like _looked _at me and my junk!"

"HAHAHA, serves you! You never replace the fucking toilet roll."

"Why do _I _have to replace the toilet roll at _your _house, huh?"

"Oh I don't know, because you always shit at my house for some god-forsaken reason?!"

"Sasuke! One more word on snakes, toilets, and shitting and I'm going home!"

"Fine! Go sleep in your own bed!"

"..."

"Seriously."

"That was unexpected, Sasuke, I'm hurt. I thought this witty banter was our thing. We argue: I scream, you smirk, I punch, you block and we end up wrestling on the floor until someone walks by. After which we both try not to acknowledge the unresolved sexual tension around us."

"That was deep, Naruto. Congrats. But I still don't mind you going to your own bed," called Sasuke, not even bothering to look at Naruto as he walked to the back of the apartment.

"WHY?" cried the blonde.

"Because I'll already be there..."

And with that, Naruto remembered that he was in his own house and demurely trailed after Sasuke into his bedroom. Sasuke was already sitting on the bed with his legs slightly apart and his hands folded, and for Sasuke this meant he was in deep concentration.

"What are you doing?" asked Naruto.

"Remembering how terrible our first kiss was. Ugh, it was like kissing a fish. All you did was press your lips against mine. And by the way, _why the fuck _did you hold it for so damn long?"

"I didn't hold it, _you _did!"

"Sure Naruto. We all know you were obsessed with me back then..."

"Shut up! I thought we were similar, okay?" mumbled Naruto sitting beside the other and running his hands through his damp hair. He gazed up at the ceiling and fell backwards with a tiny pout.

"We were and _we still_ are. And also, while you were more open with your obsession, like the dobe you are, I was just better at hiding myself... Y-You were also braver than I-I was."

Naruto sat back up and stared at Sasuke, straight in the eye. They held that gaze for a long time until Sasuke broke it off, "What? You want it in writing or something?" he asked, pouting now too.

"Nope, just so long as you know it, coward," teased Naruto. He leaned forward, captured Sasuke's right earlobe between his teeth and nibbled it lightly. Sasuke looked surprised for a second and then he flinched away, lips caught between his teeth. Naruto was faster though. He tackled Sasuke onto the bed and licked the ear this time, rewarded for his efforts by a barely restrained laugh. Encouraged by the other's ticklishness, he dragged Sasuke into the middle of the bed and ran his fingers up his sides, enjoying the rare sight of a smiling Sasuke.

"I did not know you were ticklish!"

"I-I a-m most cer-certainly n-not!" he panted. Naruto looked up with an enormous grin and was abruptly faced with a pair of black and red eyes. Before he could protest, Sasuke had easily flipped him over and captured his hands on either side of his body.

"Hey! No fair! No kekkei genkai in bed! Or I'll pull Sage Mode on your ass!"

Sasuke smirked.

"Why does your Sage Mode have on gold eye-shadow?"

Naruto grinned.

"Why do you have the girliest Mangekyou Sharingan in existence?"

And with those two highly romantic statements, the boys resumed kissing. It began softly, a comfortably lazy movement of lips on familiar lips until Naruto broke free of Sasuke's grip. He wrapped his hands around the other's neck and pulled him down for a harsher movement. Sasuke lowered himself over Naruto until they were once again chest to chest.

They kissed more urgently, tongue, teeth and a total lack of control that drove them both crazy. Sasuke broke away first to trail his tongue over the blonde's neck, collarbone, across his chest, leaving kiss marks over the two sensitive areas on his chest, '_Ah! Ugh, Sasukeee, don't just tease me like that; I'm s-so so hot. Aaahh! Fucking finally, that's so good," _until he settled further down and came face to face with the seal on Naruto's stomach. He sat back on his knees, resting between Naruto's legs.

"D-Don't just l-look at it like that, stupid Sasuke. ..Wait, wha-? AHH! OH MY, G- _FUCK_!" Naruto reached down and fisted his hands in the other's sweat-slick hair. He tried to pull him off, even yanking out a couple of hairs, but the other adamantly would not let go. Sasuke rubbed small circles across his sides and continued licking the seal. Just like he thought, Naruto was sensitive there. He wondered what would happen if he-

"SASUKE, _SASUKE! _AAAAAAHH!" Naruto screamed like he was being tortured while his back arched off the bed so high, it looked inhuman. Sasuke groaned. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen. He slid his tongue into his navel again and swirled it around until Naruto looked like he was going to cum any second.

Smirking, he pulled back and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. Before he could do anything else, Naruto had sat up. Tugging him forward with the grip on his hair, the blonde sank his teeth into Sasuke's curse seal.

Sasuke chocked on his breathe. The pain was unbearably and his entire shoulder burnt but at the same time, it felt amazing. Adrenaline coursed through his body, taking his lust into another realm and he never wanted to come down. However, the feeling faded away and when Sasuke pulled Naruto so he was sitting in his lap, he was not sure if he wanted a kiss or another bite.

He went for the kiss. They could explore seal kinks later.


	15. I Won't Say It

**Warning: **Contains SasuXNaruXSasu oral sex!

**Letters From Nii-San**

_~ I Won't Say It ~_

Naruto kissed back. Moving up to straddle Sasuke's hips, he ran his fingers through the other's hair and frowned when he realized that there was not as much to pull as liked.

"I miss your duck-butt..." He murmured the first think that came to mind. Naruto had settled for supporting the back of Sasuke's neck with his right hand and interlacing his other with one of Sasuke's.

"Hmm?" Sasuke was so into the kiss, he had not heard a single word.

"Nothing! Just, you know... The Weather."

"Mhmm."

Not missing a beat, Sasuke dove right back into the kiss, slipping his tongue into the other's open mouth. He tasted his own blood off Naruto's tongue. It tasted morbidly familiar, but at the same time, gave him an odd sense of euphoria. He pulled back slightly to re-open the cut he had made in Naruto's lip earlier, tasting the intermingling blood. And when he found himself savoring the mixed taste of salt, metal and adrenaline he knew that he probably had maybe one slightly... unusual kink.

"Sasuke, _haa,_ m-more!" moaned the blonde. When their eyes met, Sasuke noticed that they flashed between glossed over baby blue and molten orange-red. He ran his fingers across his panting face and could not tell which version turned him on more. He loved that he could watch them both. Sasuke was tempted to activate his sharingan just so he could memorize the intensity in those enticing fiery eyes. (Alright, so maybe that demon half-off thing was not _so bad.)_

Naruto slid even closer, until their chests were pressed flushed together, lifted both of his hands to Sasuke his chest and pushed him backwards. Before the Uchiha could even register why he was suddenly horizontal, Naruto had scrambled up over his body and was propped up on his forearms resting on either side of his head.

"Wait! You're always so dominant when we do this kind of stuff! Nuh-uh! Nope! Not now! I'm going to make you feel good, too! Just relax, okay Sasu-chan? I got yeah!" called Naruto, shifting awkwardly to point to himself without falling onto Sasuke.

That failed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes as the blonde pushed his way up, but stayed still on the bed. True, he had been taking a lot of initiative in their 'sexual' relationship, which was uncommon for him in his everyday life. Although the two bickered a lot over the smallest things, more often than not, Sasuke was content with shadowing the blonde as he visited his many acquaintances and spread his Narutology wherever he went.

He would never admit it (in fact he often scolded him for it), but he loved being around his limitless optimism and faith, although the blonde had become more realistic over the years.

Naruto finally righted himself and proceeded to kiss down Sasuke's jaw line. He kissed hard and sucked even harder, leaving his pale skin full of angry red love bites. Sasuke was certain that Naruto was getting him back for the hickeys he had previously left on him.

He rolled his eyes again. "You do realize that not everyone can heal themselves overnight, right? These are going to be visible for the village to see all through next week, whether we tell Sakura or not."

"Che, I know that, teme... And he never actually healed my first love bite, it's still there. Don't ask why! And, and... Just wear high collars!"

Still, Naruto became gentler, taking his time to map out Sasuke's chest with his hands and then trailing after with his lips. He kissed and pressed teasing licks across his abdomen that somehow got Sasuke even more hot and bothered than the heavier kissing.

"Urgh, N-Naruto, don't f-fucking tease!" he cried, arching up into the blonde as he blew lightly over his chest, perking up the hyper-sensitive skin around the areolas. Thoroughly pleased with himself, Naruto slid further down and took the fly of his pants into his mouth. With a flirty wink, he pulled the zipper down with his teeth and then clumsily undid the button.

Sasuke wanted to comment on how that gesture belonged in an amateur porno, but found that Naruto somehow managed to sexily pull it off. Plus, he did not want to do anything to discourage the blonde head from staying exactly where it was. Naruto suddenly pulled his bottoms and underpants off and then rid himself of his remaining garments as well.

Sasuke smirked. It was so like him to spend so much time on the simple fly and then just strip him in one go.

Naruto smirked too. He licked his lips and brushed his fingers along the underside of the flushed, erect length before him. He sat in between Sasuke's legs and eyed it excitedly.

"Not bad Sasuke! It's really long and pretty thick too! Mine's pretty nice too, yeah? Although maybe not thirteen inches or a bottle of sake..."

"...Can we _not_ compare our dicks to a dead guy's? And you're talking way too much..."

Naruto grinned like an animal. "Talking too much, for what?"

"Don't play coy, Naruto..."

"Sah-soo-kay-chan! You know I'm not that smart! I won't know unless you tell me, what do you want?" he teased, sticking out his tongue to lick his dry lips.

"N-Naruto..."

Naruto swiped his forefinger across its head and stuck the finger into his mouth.

"_Naruto_!"

"_Mhm_. Sasuke, you taste so good," he said, moaning around each word. He pushed the digit inside, even deeper and closed his eyes in bliss. "I want more. _Ugh, _so fucking good." He removed the finger with an obscene 'pop' and swiped it across the tip again. This time, however, he did not press it into his mouth, he _sucked_ the finger in. Sasuke groaned. Naruto was fucking his own mouth with his finger, but he really wanted it to be his-

"_Urgh_! FINE, Naruto! S-S-SUCK M-ME!"

Naruto seemed relieved too. With another one of those ridiculous winks, he licked his kiss-colored lips one final time and wrapped them around the length. Then, it was Sasuke's turn to embed his hands in the other's blonde hair, groaning as he felt his already sensitive skin surrounded by an intoxicating warm, wet mouth. Naruto moaned too, enjoying the harsh treatment a little too much as he pulled off Sasuke.

"D-Don't pull so h-hard, I m-might cum," he mumbled, eyes glowing bright red in the darkness.

"Argh, Naruto!" Sasuke felt the air cooling around where Naruto's mouth had just been. The sensation was driving him crazy and he could hardly form any sort of thought. He nodded feverishly in agreement to whatever the hell Naruto was saying and pushed his hips up, wanting more of that sinful mouth.

Naruto scowled when he realized Sasuke was not listening to him but responded to the silent request anyway.

He leaned back down and pleasured his boyfriend with long, languid licks; from base to tip and back down again. Sasuke gasped and covered his mouth, wondering when his voice decided that jumping into Hinata's register was a good idea. He tried to keep his sounds to himself but it was impossible with the way Naruto's tongue would just barely circle his head, before diving down the length again, taking its own _sweet time _as it stroked its way back to his most sensitive parts.

Sasuke fisted Naruto's hair on purpose as he tried to lift his hips and force the other to just fucking _suck him _already! Naruto had to hold his hips down to prevent chocking but he finally took him whole again, moving lower to take more and more into his mouth.

Going by the soft whines from Sasuke's parted lips; Naruto figured he was doing alright for his first time. He pulled back slightly to grin cockily at the other only to realize that he had been suckling on the flesh rather messily. There was saliva running between his lover's legs and even more coating his abdomen but Sasuke should have known that Naruto would be just as messy and passionate in bed as in real life.

Naruto took a moment to pause and wonder what a Sasuke blowjob would feel like; precise, fast with an uncanny ability to hit _just _the right spots. He sank back down and resumed sucking, putting a conscious effort into making and receiving as many lewd sounds as possible.

Sasuke closed his eyes in ecstasy as he felt Naruto press his tongue into Sasuke's slit and rub into it, languidly and erotically.

"_Ahhhhh, _N-Nar-ruto! _Mmfphhh!_" Sasuke felt like his whole body was on fire and although he wanted it to last forever he was already struggling so hard to hold on. "P-Pull off, I don't want, _fuck!"_

Naruto began deep-throating Sasuke; swallowing hard around his cock as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The Uchiha was sure he was going to lose it. Just a couple more of those _flaring hot _sucks and he would-

Kill His boyfriend for being the biggest cock-tease in the history of cock-teases!

Naruto sat back on his knees and gave Sasuke an adorable, lop-sided grin that made Sasuke want to kiss him, throttle him and fuck him all at the same time.

Just a typical day for Sasuke and Naruto.

Lightning-fast, Sasuke leaped forward and pinned Naruto beneath him. "If you're not going to do it than _I _will," he said. He held one hand pressed down on Naruto's chest and moved himself completely around.

"Hey! Now in this position, you can suck me and I ca-, SOMEONE GIVE THE GUY WHO THOUGHT OF THIS A MEDAL!"

With a roll of his eyes, Sasuke lowered himself into Naruto's mouth and over Naruto's cock. For a moment he felt like he could not breathe, move, or _anything. _His senses were assaulted by both the euphoric feeling from receiving a blowjob and the unique taste of pure sexual arousal from giving one.

"Sa, _Ahh-ha, ha, ha! _So hot. I-It feels so good..." whispered Naruto, his voice hoarse from lust and... _abuse_. Sasuke moaned around the cock in his mouth as the two struggled against the impending explosion they felt collecting in their abdomens.

Sasuke sucked him just like he knew he would; setting a ridiculously fast speed, he had not left a single inch of him untouched. His tongue wrapped itself around the head almost elegantly as he proceeded to sink down even further, brushing up against Naruto's undoubtedly _natural _blonde hair. And Naruto swore he ought to re-write the Karma Sutra with the way he deep-throated him, pushing him to the limits of what he was sure to be his greatest orgasm ever.

The bedroom felt all too hot, as the boys began to lose their rhythms and struggled to prolong their love-making for as long as possible. Sasuke felt like he could either start flying or fall atop the blonde at any moment with how intense his body felt and Naruto was fazing no better.

"T-Together..." he managed to mumble as he continued to worship the length in his mouth.

"Okay." Sasuke pulled off with a pop and looked under his shoulder. Heated gazes met for just a split second and conveyed all that they could never say with words alone. They came together; Sasuke biting his own tongue and Naruto moaning out loud.

Sasuke fell to the side and re-oriented himself, shifting up to be face-to-face with the younger man on the bed. The worn out raven-haired teen pressed the sweetest of kisses onto his forehead and gave Naruto a soft smile. He wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, pulled him back towards his chest and promptly fell asleep without a word.

The blonde was completely silent until he noticed the first rays of sunlight peeking out and illuminating the two of them on his bed. He turned slightly in Sasuke's arms to take in the sight of the other. With the early, deep red light contrasting the blue tones, his hair almost looked like silk and Naruto was tempted to run his fingers through it, but he did not. He wanted to forever remember the sight of a peacefully sleeping Sasuke pressed cl-

"Dobe, stop thinking so much. My brain is actually hurting _for_ you."

"SHUT UP. YOU RUINED THE MOOD!"


	16. Procrastination!

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- Procrastination -_

Sasuke snorted and pulled Naruto tighter to him, deciding that it was too early in the morning for him to come up with a proper retort. Naruto, however, was adamant to pull a response out of the Uchiha but he got distracted by the warm kisses pressing into his jaw line. With a vow to annoy the bastard later on in the day, Naruto allowed himself enjoy the warm touch and eventually the two boys fell asleep.

Sasuke woke up earlier, as he always did, and reluctantly pulled back from the inviting crevice between the other's neck and shoulder. He raked his hands through his hair and sighed. He wanted nothing more than to stay here and hold Naruto.

But he had a 'confession' to make today... And the earlier on the shit hit the fan, the more time he would have to clean it up later.

Slowly, Sasuke slid out from under the rumpled covers and made his way to the bathroom. On his way there, he decided to pick up his and Naruto's strewn clothes until he noticed something. Peeking out from under his grey sweater was the notebook he had carelessly thrown onto Naruto's couch.

Sasuke winced. Although he had grudgingly accepted that nii-san's plan made some sense, he was really pissed with him. He thought it was a bad idea to tell Sakura that he was gay. What if she got really mad at him for not telling him earlier?

He could imagine it already...

_"You're GAY? Why the fuck didn't tell me you were gay when I first told you I liked you?!" she screamed as she chased him through the hospital with a chakra engulfed fist, "You know how much grief that caused me!? I had absolutely convinced myself that I was not good enough for you and that you hated me! URGH! FUCKING BASTARD! And the whole reason you showed no interest in me is because you like fucking COCK? UNBELEIVABLE!"_

And it got better...

_"You like NARUTO? Naruto Uzumaki!? The one who makes me seem like freaking Hinata in comparison? YOU'RE GAY FOR NARUTO?" she screeched, sounding more and more like a wailing banshee, and looking like one even more so. "That's just GREAT. You two are going to BLOW each other up! I swear! And what about reviving the Uchiha clan? Did you forget about that, you asshole!? "_

He scowled and picked up the notebook and flipped the pages back to Mission 282. This time it was only addressed to 'Dear Otouto,' but otherwise it looked the same. Nonetheless, he scanned through the full three-page entry with some hope that it had changed, but it had not. However, once he reached the very bottom of the last page, he realized that there was in fact, a very small, new addition to the end of the entry.

. . .

_The following is an eternally updating list of those who ship the following ship;_

**_The Official SasuNaru Fan Club_**

_Chair: (^/u\^)_

_Co-Chair: (^/ / /)_

_Liason Officer: (^ v \/)_

_. . ._

To say he was extremely disturbed would be an understatement. He stared at the three little images for a minute longer and closed the notebook. He shook his head to clear his creeped-out thoughts and took the book and Naruto's heap of clothes back into the bedroom. Then he took his own clothes and proceeded to the bathroom.

As he soaked himself under a jet of boiling hot water, Sasuke let his mind ponder everything but Sakura's hypothetical reaction. He started wondering what kind of drugs Itachi had been taking to get the lame idea of calling them 'SasuNaru.' It sounded like something squealed by thirteen year old girls as they pet puppies or something. Then he wondered what or who those three creepy drawings were supposed to represent. They looked like fat little demons and he had no idea as to why Itachi decided it was a good idea that _they_ should head his ultra-gay fan club.

He increased the temperature of the water and sighed, giving up on trying to decode his very screwed-up brother. He tilted his head back and let the water fall on his face. Deciding to actually wash himself at some point soon, he glanced down to search for the shampoo just in time to see slightly tanned arms wrap themselves tight around his waist and pull him back against a muscular and familiar chest.

"G'mornin'," grumbled Naruto. His face was planted into the shortened spikes on the back of Sasuke's head and he made no move to change that. "And also, remind me to remind you to never cut your duck butt again."

Sasuke, ignoring the duck butt comment, turned around so that he and Naruto stood chest-to-chest, foreheads resting comfortably together so he could look into glazed over blue eyes when he said, "Good morning to you too."

Sasuke pulled the tired blonde forward so that he too was under the warm stream. That way, as he ran his fingers through the Uzumaki's bright yellow locks, they drooped attractively under the weight of the water.

Until Naruto shot him a happy grin from behind his bangs and suddenly shook his head like a wet dog.

Sasuke scowled at the too-resilient hair as it bounced right back up to its natural, still-sexy-but-no-where-near_-that_-sexy, state.

Naruto ignored Sasuke's scowl (as usual) and reached around him to reveal an (expectedly) orange bottle of shampoo. "Do me!" he cried, pushing the bottle into Sasuke's hands and smiling brighter than a star.

The Uchiha groaned and bit his lip, staring at the other's handsome face.

It should be illegal to look _that_ adorable and sexy _this_ early in the morning.

In one fluid motion, he had Naruto pressed up against the shower wall with one hand, and both of Naruto's hands gripped tight above their heads. "Don't tempt me, Uzumaki. I can't resist morning-you," he moaned lowly into his ear as he ground their water-slick bodies together.

"_Ahh! Ng..._Wait!Teme, that's not what I meant! Ugh, I meant my _hair. _Like _'_Do me' as in 'Wash me and my hair!'" Naruto said.

Sasuke unhappily pulled away but Naruto continued his rant, "Last time, you molested me in your bed, now you want to totally forget the plan and fuck in the bathroom of all places. Man, you are way too horny in the mornings..."

"Hn."

"And it seems like you can't communicate either."

"How is, 'Shut up' for your communication, hmm?" mumbled Sasuke as he squirted a good amount of product on to his left hand and passed the bottle to Naruto. They worked their respective scoops into a nice lather before they attacked each other under the guise of showering. After they got the initial kinks worked out and Naruto squealed for a good five minutes about how cute Sasuke looked with foam on his nose, they got into a nice rhythm and cleaned each other quietly and effectively.

Far too soon, Sasuke thought, the both of them were dried, dressed and ready to go about their respective days.

After his confrontation with Sakura, Sasuke was set to leave for Wave Country to talk some diplomatic talk over a two day conference but Naruto was blessedly free for the whole day.

"That does not mean you can go back to bed, dobe."

"I know! I'm going to amuse myself with Itachi-san's letters, eat some lunch, take a nap, train a bit and then see you off on your mission!"

"Hn."

"I'm not too sure, since you know 'hn,' isn't an actual WORD but that sounds a lot like jealousy!" grinned Naruto as he reclined back in his bed and propped open the notebook.

Sasuke scowled. Nii-san's notebook was getting passed around faster than a sake bottle on New Year's Eve. "At least, _clean up _some of this pigsty..."

"Bye, Sasuke!" laughed Naruto. Sasuke scowled even deeper. He knew that that first entry was hilarious. Still, Sasuke resisted tackling Naruto and settled for flipping him the bird and exiting the apartment.

Taking an excessive amount of time (which he fully knew was just him avoiding the inevitable confrontation) Sasuke inched his way towards the bustling hospital.

. . .

The Uchiha sighed as he made his way through the institute. Focusing on the pathway before him, he ignored all of the lustful glances he was receiving. It was quadruple the usual amount, which was _already_ everyone.

It was quite unnerving.

He decided to take a detour through the less-crowded mental illness ward to get away from all of the bedroom eyes. Unknowingly, he interrupted Temari and Shikamaru necking in the staircase.

And although that was weird enough, what was even _more _unnerving was that the two of them actually pulled apart, just so they could take a moment to ogle and blush at him. Then just when he thought that things could not get any more disturbing than a blushing Shikamaru, out came Gai sensei and Rock Lee from the fire-exit in their typical 'Dynamic Entry' although there was no enemy in sight. The two of them, upon observing Sasuke's new look, immediately began to bleed profusely from the nose in such large quantities that Sasuke was sure they would pass out.

He was wondering whether or not he should call a nurse when all of a sudden, a thin, feminine hand landed on his ass and gave it an unwelcoe squeeze. "We're up for a threesome whenever you are, Uchiha," purred Temari, the owner of the aforementioned adventurous hand, as Shikamaru's own wandered down Sasuke's body to join his girlfriend's in groping the paralyzed fire user.

"INCLUDE _US_ IN YOUR YOUTHFUL ACTIVITIES!" demanded Gai. He too had decided it would be a grand idea to feel up the Uchiha by wrapping an arm around his shoulder and another around his slim hips.

"YES YES, GAI SENSEI. A FIVESOME IS A VERY YOUTHFUL THING INDEED. LET US CELEBATE OUR 'YOYLO' WAY OF LIFE!" proclaimed Lee as he passionately embraced Sasuke and all three of his admirers in a bone-crushing hug.

Sasuke tried to remember that these people were his 'friends' and that he should 'care' about them. He decided that he would _politely_ decline their sexual advances and then go find Sa-

Until Temari snaked her hands up his shirt and splayed them across his chest, dragging her fingers down the sides.

Sasuke activated his Sharingan. "I'm going to wait five _fucking _seconds," he growled, using a slight sensory genjutsu to intimidate his four admirers, "And when I'm done, I'm going to Amaterasu anyone who's still touching me. Five, four, _three._.."

Needless to say, they gave him plenty of space after that. Although, all four of them had managed to slip their phone numbers into various crevices in his clothes so maybe he had not scared them as much as he thought he did.

Sasuke scowled and made a mental note to take a shower.

. . .

After gathering the pathetic remnants of his Uchiha dignity, Sasuke paused in front of a mirror and gave himself a good look just to see what all the commotion was about. Ino was right about this outfit, it _did _make him look great.

It really was too bad that he only wanted to look good for his favorite blonde.

He shrugged to himself and stalked off, vowing to burn this outfit the moment he got home.

Coincidentally, he happened to catch his second favorite blonde as she came barreling out of the administrative office. She gave him a devious smile and a quick wink before disappearing into the nurses' lounge. "Too hot Uchiha. You're going to get into some trouble looking like that!" she yelled from within. Sasuke rolled his eyes and kept walking. Still, before he could round the next corner, she ran up behind him and whispered five very strange words into his ear.

"Naruto is so lucky!"

However, before he could react, the girl had vanished.


	17. Sakura's Gentleman

**Letters From Nii-San**

_~ Sakura's Gentleman ~_

Konoha General Hospital was the biggest and best hospital in the entire Elemental Nation. Even before it was revolutionized by Tsunade-sama, it had solidified itself as the greatest medical epicenter With an incredibly high caliber of medic ninja, outstanding specialty doctors and compassionate nurses and a wide array of medicinal herbs that grew endemically in Konoha's warm vicinity, Konoha General was a highly formidable bio medical healing center and a defensive force.

Konoha General was also Sakura Haruno's second home.

At the current moment, the pink-haired woman, one of the hospital's star practitioners, was performing final rounds in the intensive care unit. She paced the busy halls quickly and efficiently, the heels of her shoes rhythmically tapping the tiled floor and her bright white coat sweeping behind her as she checked off the necessities of those in her care in a comfortingly familiar routine.

After finishing up, she handed in her charts and started washing her hands, appreciating the presence of chakra-filled healing energy all around her. She was just about to hit the locker rooms to further freshen up, when she felt a hand land on her shoulder and tug her around.

"S-Sasuke-kun?" she asked, cheeks red hot. She gave him a heated once over and licked her lips, stepping forward into Sasuke's personal bubble. When did Sasuke start looking like a runway model? She leaned forward even more, fingers subconsciously raised to just brush the cashmere fabric of his sweater.

"Yes. Sakura, it's me. I need to speak with you," he said, taking a defensive step back, but Sakura ignored that. She could only focus on the words he spoke and was struggling not to fall over. Was he _finally _attempting to seduce her?

She quickly calmed her racing heart and attempted to respond as sexily as she had in her fantasies..

"Sasuke-kun... Yeah sure. Just give me a moment," she said, voice a breathless, raggedy mess.

Well, they were fantasies for a reason.

Undeterred from finally attaining her proverbial, 'dream man,' Sakura dashed into the girls' locker room and shut the door close behind her. Sasuke could just hear the faint sound of hushed, 'Hell yeah!" being whispered by Sakura's all-too familiar voice.

Consequently, he banged his head on the wall. This was going to be harder than he thought.

. . .

Eventually, Sakura emerged from the rooms, clothed in her usual attire but with some light touches of make-up and some flair to her hair.

"Where would you like to talk, Sasuke-kun?" she asked, eyes fluttering half-closed beneath light pink lashes.

"...T-tea house?" suggested the Uchiha, trying to look anywhere but at her.

He felt like his mouth had dried up..

The two ninja traveled to the restaurant's location; one on cloud nine, and the other in the lowest pits of hell. Sasuke had started hypothesizing Sakura's reactions again.

And this time they were even more _unbearable_.

_"Sasuke-kun," she choked out. Her eyes shining bright with tears, even brighter than on the day he had walked out on all of them. She gripped the edges of her skirt to prevent her hands from trembling as the sadness grew too much and the tears finally over spilt. She suddenly glanced up and spoke her heart "Don't say such things. That's- It's just _wrong... _An-And, it can't b-be... I loved you; I still love you so much. I want, I need you with me, please, Sasuke-kun!"_

"Sasuke-kun? Hello? Didn't you want to order anything?" asked Sakura, pointing at the waitress.

"Take your time!" she interjected, clearing enjoying the view of Sasuke's handsome face and fine attire.

"Yes. Yes of course. I'll take a bottle of sake, thank you," he mumbled.

The waitress sighed and walked away to get their drinks. He was beautiful, but it was not wise to fall in love with a guy who orders a bottle of sake at ten am.

Sakura also raised an eyebrow but did not comment. She understood that asking others out was a nerve-wracking process but she thought that someone like Sasuke would be incredibly suave and talented at this kind of dating stuff.

She lifted her mascara-laden eyes as seductively as possible to see Sasuke absentmindedly arranging all of the condiments in order of spiciness, then length and height...

Although as she came to think of it, she realized that Sasuke was not really that great with other people at _all... _It was an odd thought, really, but she let it slide. Sasuke was _the _man of her dreams after all.

Wasn't he?

The two waited at the table in tensely awkward silence.

Sasuke said nothing (he refused to confess without being at least somewhat intoxicated and Itachi never stated he had to be sober in the first place) while Sakura was hurriedly trying to wrack her brain of any time Sasuke had ever shown any sort of social intuition in the six years of their acquaintance.

Or even social etiquette... Had he ever even opened a door for her?

Sakura quickly shook her heads, attempting to free her mind of such anti-Sasuke thoughts. (SasuXSaku is supposed to be canon dammit!) _"You love this man! Don't get side-tracked now!" _warned her subconscious, as the girl licked her lips nervously.

"So Sasuke-kun, what did you want to talk to me about?" asked Sakura politely, pressing forward until Sasuke almost went cross-eyes looking at her. Sakura assumed that his apathetic nature just added to his unanimous allure so the love would be all the more _romantic _once he finally confessed today. Or something like...

Sasuke quickly glanced up and said, "Yes. Well, I'll tell you after the drinks arrive."

"Oh, well, Sasuke, I promised Ino that I'd give her a hand at the shop after my shift here so if it's really-, oh gosh, what am I saying? No, no, it's fine. I'd rather be with you, Sasuke-kun, please take your time, if it's you know" here she paused to smile, "_Important _and all..."

In a fashion she found to be quite precious (that is what the magazine said so it must be right), she began coquettishly playing with her hair.

The Uchiha was momentarily silent, his face a facade of complete calmness but then his hand suddenly shot into the air. "WAITER! Could we speed things up a little here?!" he yelled, unconsciously activating his sharingan. The poor waitress ran over with their order, squeaked that she was sorry for the delay and said that it was now on the house before running back to the back so she could start hyperventilating from fear (and fangirl-induced-arousal. The sharingan made him even hotter!)

Sakura however, simply frowned, a slight crease marring her otherwise perfect skin. She said she could wait after all so why was Sasuke being so weird? It wasn't like him at all. How did he manage to complete any of his political missions if this is how he acted?

Before she even touched her tea, Sasuke had filled his shot glass up to the brim and downed the whole thing. He repeated this action a fair number of times before he eventually forgo the shot glass to drink it straight-up from the bottle, clearing away eighty percent of it's contents. With new-found vigor he placed the bottle on the table and took extended his arms forward so he could gather her hands in his own.

Sakura's mouth hung agape. Sakura had imagined eight hundred and thirty-three fantasies in which Sasuke can confessed to him but never in her entire life would she imagine Wasted!Sasuke being the one to do the job.

_(Although,_ when he was back with Orochimaru, she once imagined an artfully-inebriated Sasuke coming to her room in the middle of the night saying he needed to see her because he could just could not quench the insatiable lust he felt for her body and the insurmountable love for her heart that beckoned the remnants of his wounded heart to take her one last time before it was too late and his ice cold heart was frozen over and he could no longer bring himself to imagine of the future that once wa-)

"I'm gay."

"Yes Sasuke _yes! _Take me now!... Wait... _WHAT_?"


	18. If You Can Afford Me!

**Letters From Nii-San**

_~ If You Can Afford Me ~_

Sasuke clasped her hands even tighter and looked straight in her eyes. "I'm sorry Sakura; I didn't mean to... cause you any pain," he said softly. To be honest he was mostly acting but a part of him did actually feel for her. "You've been a great support throughout my life. You're like family. I... I realize now that not telling you the truth was just giving you false hope... and once again, I'm sorry for that. But it's true Sakura... In fact I think I like-"

"But _Sasuke! _What about _us? _We were going to g-get married a-and have k-kids and take them out on lunch dates with Naruto and Hinata's! You can't be _gay! _It'll ruin everything! You just can't be, you _can't! _I won't let you! You're just confused is all! How about this: we'll go out to dinner this Friday night and I'll show you how great it feels to be in a _normal, heterosexual _relationship, okay? There are some things you can't replicate!" She lowered her eyes and pressed her arms to the sides of her body in an attempt to enhance her chest. "

Forget this weird gay nonsense. I'll sleep with you then you won't be confused and everything will work out just as I planned! Or else your whole returning to Konoha will have been _useless! _But I'm not worried because, come on, you're _Sasuke Uchiha _and I'm supposed to be Sakura Uchiha!You can't be gay! You just can't!"

Sasuke ordered another bottle.

The Uchiha wanted to be annoyed with Sakura. He _really_ did. She had said at least two different offensive things and even insinuated that Naruto and Hinata would be an item, (which was unforgiveable in itself) but he could not.

Maybe he was just tired and over-prepared from having already expected the worst, or maybe it was the way she so earnestly believed that she loved him and that they should be together; expressed from the tears in her eyes down to the tremors in her hands.

He took two gulps or sake and felt himself relax.

"Sakura," he said, giving the girl a level look, "You've got to calm down and understand... It's not that I don't love you; it's that I don't love you the way you should be loved."

He paused to give himself a figurative pat on the back.

That beautiful set of phrases should be written down somewhere. He was truly Itachi's younger brother.

"And if you'd just focus on the oth-"

"But I love you! And you can't change that! I _will _be with you!" she interrupted, the tears finally overflowing and streaming down her face.

As the first drop hit their conjoined hands, Sasuke suddenly felt something snap inside of him.

He _did not_ allow himself to be groped by two bowl-cut wearing weirdoes, some tomboy-slut and her ugly, bisexual boyfriend, just so he could make absolutely_ no_ progress with this adamant medic kunoichi.

He released her hands and pulled back, crossing them in front of his chest.

"Do you _really? _Love me, that are you in love with who you think I am?" he asked, lowering his voice to a suspicious whisper.

"I love _you,_ Sasuke," she repeated, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion. "Are you that drunk? What are you saying?"

'I'm not nearly as drunk as I wish I was,' he thought, massaging his temples. He took a couple more gulps and slammed the bottle onto the table. "Uchihas already have really high alcohol tolerance and with all of these sociopolitical missions, I don't even think I can be drunk anymore," he said.

"Oh really? I didn't know that. Socio-political missions, huh? That must be fun, right?"

"Sakura, I fucking ha-"

And then it hit him. Like Naruto's shadow clones with a rasengan in each hand. Like nii-san's Tsukuyomi on a mental patient. Like a Fire Style Jutsu on Captain Yamato. Like Hinata's voice on his nerves.

He knew what he must do.

"Maybe you're right, Sakura-chan," he started again, ignoring the blush on her face from the cute suffix. "Maybe, I could date a girl, and as you said, 'forget the whole gay nonsense,' because you know I totally _chose _being gay..." he continued, mumbling the last part.

"YES!"

"But, I only want to be with someone who knows me."

"Knows you?"

"Yes."

"_Sasuke! _I know you!"

"Obviously, you know _Sasuke_, but do you know _me_?" he asked.

"...Huh?"

"If you think that we are soul mates, star-crossed lovers, your bad boy, _whatever_, then _prove_ it. Come back to me when you think you can tell me who I am," he finished. In one motion, he left enough money to cover all of their purchases, and exited the restaurant.

Through the window of the eighth floor.

Tenten and Neji happened to be strolling down a nearby street.

"Uchiha? What are you doing?" called Neji, eyes wide at the younger man's behavior.

"And what are you _wearing?" _grinned Tenten, as they both got a good glimpse of his attire once he straightened out. The weapons specialist blushed and raised a hand to cover her gaping mouth while Neji averted his eyes and willed himself not to activate his Byakugan.

"Doors are for wimps!" cried Sasuke, doubling over in very disconcerting laughter. He was not actually drunk but he decided that he could have a little fun pretending "And if you want a piece of this, you've got to get in line behind Gai sensei, Lee, Temari, Shikamaru, the nurses, the waitress, and Sakura." He wiped the tears of laughter at the corner of his eyes and started off again, still yelling, "Maybe if you all pool in, you can afford my rates!"

* * *

Naruto made himself a huge bowl of miso ramen, a cup of tea and settled comfortably on his stripped bed (the sheets were in the wash for very... satisfying reasons) before resuming his readings. Since the book was re-written to suit Naruto's liking, he found himself reading many humorous anecdotes about Sasuke as a child and trying to remember them all for future blackmail. He even read some fluff about his parents and Kakashi sensei too! Then there were some ANBU Survival tips which were really useful as well as a list of every ramen shop in a 100 mile radius.

And since Naruto was a WAY bigger pervert than Sasuke (spending three years under Kakashi and three more under Jiraiya does something to you), Itachi's writing revealed a side-by-side comparison chart of EVERY Akatsuki member's... genitals... (Konan's too because unlike Sasuke, Naruto was bisexual)

Overall, Naruto thought as he finished up the last of his third bowl, he was having a pretty fantastic time. He flipped to the last 'Get Sakura Ship SasuNaru' entry and got up to go make himself another bowl.

"THIS AIN'T A SONG FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED, DUN DUN DUNANANAAAAA!" he yelled more than sang as he boiled water and danced around his kitchen. "NO SILENT PRAYER FOR THE FAITH DEPARTED! DUN DUN. NOW I AIN'T GONNA BE JUST A FACE IN THE CROWD, YOU'RE GONNA HEAR MY VOICE WHEN I SHOUT IT OUT LOUD. _WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" _

Standing right in front of him, wincing slightly from the loud noise, was Itachi Uchiha.


	19. The Potential Orgy

**Letters From Nii-San**

_- The Potential Orgy -_

"Good evening, Naruto-kun, I- _umph!-" _Itachi was unexpectedly assaulted by an exuberant orange mass. The older man was floored with the force of the impact and more than slightly disoriented by Naruto's actions.

'I was under the impression that he at least _somewhat _liked me after all I had done,' Itachi thought silently. The poor man was too winded to speak by the immense pressure Naruto's arms were exerting around his neck. Eventually, however, Itachi realized that 'attacking' was not the blonde's intention.

That is, if the tears slowly wetting the front of his shirt were anything to go by. Then all of a sudden, Itachi found himself having to comfort a sobbing heap of Uzumaki as the boy pulled him up and into an aggressive bear hug. The flabbergasted Uchiha tentatively wrapped his arms around the teenager and rubbed senseless patterns onto his back, calling upon his memory of what comforted Sasuke the numerous times he had needed to calm the other Uchiha down during their childhood. Still, Itachi was not entirely sure how to respond to such a _... an expressive _personality as he had never encountered someone who expressed himself so unabashedly. At least Sasuke used to pretend he was not upset.

This guy on the other hand...

"Itachi-san! Oh my God, oh my God, OH SWEET LORD FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE! I can't believe you're here!" cried Naruto, as he pulled back to examine the other man's handsome, classic features that were so like the ones he was attracted to.

Itachi's eyes were soft with gentle compassion as he looked into the other's watery ones, but the way they shined indicated that he was also thoroughly amused. He gave Naruto a small smile as he pulled himself and the other man upright. "Well, Naruto-kun, if you'd allow me to explain myself," he said, gently retracting Naruto's hands from around his person, "I could clarify any sort of questions that my appearance has certainly brou-"

"Wait! WAIT! _Wait,_" interjected the blonde, suddenly pulling out a kunai and gripping it in his right hand while his other hand lay on his shuriken holster._ "_Don't try to play me this time! What's going on? _There is NO WAY _that you just came back from the dead all of a sudden!"

Itachi's smile lessened marginally as he raised both of his hands into the air in the universal sign of innocence and peace. He was not (nor was he ever) in the mood for a violent confrontation. "You are quite right in thinking so," he added in a slightly louder tone, "Seeing as that I a-"

Naruto flared up with foreign chakra and his eyes took on a deep red color. "I AM NOT THE SIXTEEN YEAR OLD BOY YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO FOOL SO EASILY, DATTEBAYO!" he growled as an impressive red chakra tail appeared behind him and swirled around the room. The tail began knocking over used ramen cups, cutlery and old newspapers while the radiating malignant chakra whipped the room's air until the cupboards began to bang open and closed.

At this point, Itachi was almost frowning. He was not used to being ignored in this manner. He raised a hand to his hair and held back his long bangs while his other arm folded itself across his chest, indicating his displeasure with Naruto's irrationality. Itachi then narrowed his dark eyes, not even bothering to activate his Sharingan. He was not intimidated by Naruto's power in the least. "I never _claimed _that you were. In fact I fully offered to answer any of your questions to ensure that you would be at peace of mind since my-"

"I DEMAND YOU ANSWER MY QUESTIONS AT THIS VERY MOMENT OR I WILL BE FORCED TO-"

"For the love of - _NARUTO UZUMAKI!_"

"WHAT?!"

The Uchiha sighed and stifled a cough from having to scream so loudly. He took a few menacing steps forward and stopped abruptly, just in front of the blonde. He loomed over him with his much bigger stature and raised an eyebrow. "I was just saying that you could ask me any question that you wanted, Naruto-kun. In fact, I was _offering _to do so."

Naruto suddenly felt pretty stupid. The Kyuubi chakra soon dissipated and he was left standing in front of the older man with a kunai in his hand and a sheepish grin on his face. He grinned an enormous grin and blushed slightly. "Sorry about that. Got a little carried away, you know what I mean?"

Itachi blinked twice. "... Are you _sure_ you can say Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi?" mused the Uchiha, observing the tactless blonde before him.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?!" asked Naruto, scratching the back of his neck with the hand that was not occupied with the kunai. Those words were not _that _hard.

Jiraiya _only_ had to correct him like _four_ times when he first said them.

Itachi, however, ignored his question. "...Otouto sure knows how to pick them. Although the stereotypical blonde-bimbo idea does have a certain appeal... "

Then, the Uchiha broke out into a small smile and moved away from Naruto. He settled comfortably into his kitchen table chair and waited for Naruto's eventual comprehension of what he just had said.

"Yeah! Believe it!... Wait... what? Hey! I AMIN _ANBU_, YOU HEAR!?"

Itachi smiled and folded his hands in his lap. "Clearly especially since it was a very intelligent decision on your part to scream that out with the windows open and to an individual who may not be who appears to be?"

"...?"

"But then again, what can I say? My own younger brother was foolish enough to think that a resurrected Orochimaru would be the best resource to consult in acquiring unbiased knowledge about his predicament. Don't worry your pretty head though, Naruto-kun. I think it's the new generation as a whole. All of this social media has ruined your ability to apply lateral and creative thinking and evaluate the consequential events of your decisions past the second degree."

"Uhh..."

"And politeness. Just look at you standing there gaping at me. Either ask me some questions to confirm my identity or offer me dango. Hanami, preferably, although Mitarashi is not too bad if you add a minimum of four sugar cubes in the accompanying green tea."

"Alright then. Uhh..." Naruto closed his eyes and began to think. '_Something that only Itachi Uchiha would know... Hmm... I GOT IT._'

Suddenly Naruto's face took on an extremely smug expression. "What is Sasuke Uchiha's secret weakness?" he demanded.

Much to his disappointment, Itachi began to laugh softly and raise an eyebrow at the confused looking blonde. "Nice try, Naruto-kun. However, I'm not telling you that. You'll have to learn it for yourself."

"Damn... Who's got a bigger dick; Hidan or Deidara?"

"Surprisingly enough, the better-endowed man happens to be-" They were abruptly interrupted by a knock at the door. Trusting Itachi to perform a henge of some sort, Naruto quickly ran to the front door to answer it.

As soon as he opened the door, six ninjas of assorted size and style tumbled straight into Naruto's living room. They all seemed to be panting as if coming back from some extremely rigorous training.

"YOSH!" cried Rock Lee fist pumping into the air. Unsurprisingly, he and Gai sensei seemed to have recovered the fastest. "WE HAVE ASSEMBLED ALL OF OUR RESSOURCES. WE BELEIVE WITH OUR COMBINED EFFORTS AND OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF YOUTHFUL PASSION, WE CAN ACHEIVE OUR GOAL. "

"Oh. And what would that be?" asked someone from inside the kitchen. Naruto spun around in time to see what appeared to be Kakashi Hatake peering out from behind the dividing wall with a pleasant upside down U eye-smile.

"FUCKING SASUKE UCHIHA."

"Yup! And the reason why we are here is because we wanted to offer you the chance to do so with us. He told us his rates are really high and extra funds may be a good idea. Also, we all know you like totally want him," added Tenten, looking very cheery at the prospective of getting some action with the walking wet-dream she had seen a few hours ago.

Naruto gaped at them like a fish. "Y-You _all _want to f-fuck Sasuke? T-Together? And you're offering me the chance t-to join by contributing _FUNDS? _L-Like a hooker?"

"We'd like to think of it more like paying for sex with a celebrity," offered Shikamaru, the only one had not completely re-covered from panting profusely.

"YOU MAY JOIN US TO, MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" cried Gai pointing a finger at who he presumed to be Kakashi.

Naruto was speechless while Itachi as Kakashi excused himself to the washroom. The sounds of someone vomiting could be heard faintly through the flimsy walls.

Nobody, however, was paying attention to the poor man's predicament. Naruto was still in a comatose state while Team Gai & Co seemed to be engrossed in their own Sasuke-related conversations.

Suddenly, the man of the hour himself, Sasuke Uchiha, strolled on into the living room from the bedroom door wearing a pair of standard shinobi pants and an over-sized black long-sleeved shirt.


	20. SasukeXRamen!

**Letters From Nii-San**

_~ SasukeXRamen! ~_

"Get the fuck out," Sasuke said simply, ambling over to the doorway and opening the front door for the intrusive six-some.

"But what about the rates you were-"

"I was drunk," he interrupted. 'And high off of how amazing my Sakura plan was.' He added that last part only to himself. Tenten visibly deflated, but tried one last time.

"But you said that-"

"DRUNK," Sasuke said, punctuating his response by tapping, or more like punching, the doorframe.

Shikamaru decided to give it a shot. "Aww, that's too bad because we were so looking forward t-"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and glared at him. "Seriously," he stated.

"What is this?" protested Temari, pointing a finger at Sasuke. "You weren't drunk when you saw Shikamaru and our group!"

"...I never told _you guys_ that I was willing _anyway_. Remember the whole Amaterasu thing? Giant, black, unstoppable flames? I could show you if you'd like," he said, smiling scarily. He activated his Sharingan for extra affect. However, it was lost on the Sand kunoichi as she had reverted to staring at his crotch and hips instead.

Naruto let out a chocked yelp, somewhere in the background. He had recovered from his previous shock only to have Rock Lee pull him into one of his infamous bone-breaking hugs. With passionate tears running down his face, he gestured animatedly with his hands. "SO YOU PREFER MY YOUTHFUL TEAMMATES OVER US! VERY WELL, NARUTO AND I WILL EXECUTE 100 LAPS AROUND KONOHA ON OUR HANDS TO MAKE OURSELVES WORTHY OF YOU," he bellowed loudly.

Sasuke frowned at the taijutsu user gripping his boyfriend. "...No, no, that won't be necessary because I'm already-"

"Well can you blame him?" drawled Shikamaru, looking at Lee from his seat on the sofa. Wait, when did he sit down? Much to Sasuke's displeasure, he, nor anyone else for that matter, showed any signs of leaving the apartment. "Neji looks more like a girl than you do!" Shikamaru finished, motioning to Temari with a jerk of his head.

"Shut up, Shikamaru!" yelled Neji and Temari in unison.

The group squabbed; voices rising higher in a shiver-inducing cacophony. Neji suddenly shouted out that he would show everyone just as much of a man he was if nobody believed him (much to Gai sensei and Lee's enthusiasm). Naruto began loudly lamenting about having hot-boyfriend problems but nobody listened to him. Sasuke himself had joined the conversation by proclaiming that he did not even look that good in his black ensemble which in turn, caused Tenten and Temari to put aside their animosity and make a very large T-chart on a conveniently placed whiteboard addressing the very pressing issue of which Sasuke looked better; sexy-grey-sweater-Sasuke or casually-cool-black-shirt-Sasuke.

It was all extremely disturbing indeed.

After about an hour of their caterwauling, the real Kakashi Hatake and his perverted self creeped into the apartment to see if any steamy hot SasukeXNarutoXSasuke (Icha Icha, after all contained het, yaoi and yuri in its plot to please all of its readers) action was taking place. The jonin was instead assaulted with the image of Rock Lee and Gai sensei repeatedly banging their chests together in a show of manliness while Neji huddled in a corner muttering about how he was manly but not that manly.

He left so fast that even his old sensei wouldn't have been able to keep up.

Just as the blob of silver, black and green jumped onto a nearby tree some dozen metres away, Itachi henged as Kakashi stepped into the living room with an aura of killer intent so dark that anyone in their right minds (which was no one coincidentally) would have realized it could not have been Kakashi.

Still, the imposter spoke as if he was him. "If anyone so dare touches my pupil, Sasuke Uchiha, I will ram a Chidori up their ass so hard they'll be _tasting_ lightning-burnt flesh till next year," he growled, ball of white-blue lightning collecting in his hand.

It worked just as well as the Amaterasu threat. Everyone exited the room but not before writing their numbers on the newly-erased whiteboard.

Sasuke was forced to inconspicuously pull Naruto back into the room because the dobe had actually tried to leave too.

"Not you," whispered Sasuke, "I actually want you... Plus, it's _your _apartment."

Naruto grinned and kissed him on the cheek as Sasuke contemplated how easy it was to please the blonde.

He was just about to turn into the kiss when there was a soft 'pop' noise coming from beside them. The two boys turned to face a cloud of white that slowly dissipated to reveal a disgruntled Itachi Uchiha. His sharingan was spinning furiously as he glared at the door as though it had personally offended him.

"Itachi!?" cried Sasuke incredulously. His eyes were the size of dinner plates as he took in the distantly familiar man before him.

"Otouto!" Itachi's expression brightened up as he finally got to see his most favorite and most precious person ever. His red eyes instantly reverted to a warm black.

Sasuke broke out into a smile the likes of which Naruto had never seen. He approached the elder with small, focused steps and threw his arms around Itachi's shoulders, hugging him deeply. "Aniki!" he cried

Itachi reciprocated the hug and comforted the unusually hysterical boy. Before anyone could say anything, both Itachi and Naruto heard a small voice. "I will always love you too, big brother."

Naruto wiped his watery eyes with the back of his sleeve. When the two Uchihas turned around at the sound of not-so-soft sniffles, the blonde grinned rather sheepishly and mentioned something about allergies.

* * *

Naruto had taken it upon himself to buy something other than ramen for his guests and to give the Uchiha brothers some time alone. Although they had hugged in front of him, the Uzumaki knew that was more out of instant shock and happiness than willingness. He knew that the two might not feel comfortable crying, expressing emotions or whatever in front of him and he was perfectly fine that.

As long as they came out in front of someone, somehow, he was fine. Throughout his seven years o existence, Naruto knew how bad bottled up emotions could be.

Soon Naruto found himself smiling and standing at the checkout line with a heap of tomatoes, assorted flavours, of dango, green tea leaves, onigiri and some 30% less Sodium Ramen. It felt kind of nice to buy things for others, he thought.

Eventually, maybe he and Sasuke would get to the point in their relationship were they could buy a place together, and go grocery shopping together and cook together and eat together and share a couch together and ...

And they could do everything naked! Well, except for the shopping... There were people like Sai who walked these streets. Still, Naruto started grinning a little at the thought of a naked Sasuke cooking him ramen with just an apron on... Calling him over seductively so he could lick and taste the flavor...

Off of his finger...

Oh god, it would taste so good! He would suck hard on all of his fingers until he moaned and his eyes glazed over. Then he'd ask Sasuke to taste some too, before kissing him deeply, meshing their tongues together until neither of them could taste the ramen anymore.

Then Naruto would shovel in a mouthful, swallow and they would kiss again for the same effect!

Or maybe not... Sasuke did not even like ramen...

Naruto ended up letting out a chuckle at the thought of a pissed-off Sasuke covered in ramen noodles. But then Naruto would help him clean it all off.

With his tongue.

AH! Anymore thoughts of Sasuke and ramen, and Naruto would have a serious problem walking home that he did not. After all, there were people like Sai who walked these streets.

Naruto sighed and shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He spotted Sakura at a small store and walked up to her."Good evening, Sakura-chan!" he called. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, Naruto. Dad wanted me to pick up some watermelons for after dinner. Some cousins of mine are coming to Konoha and they love fruit. What about you?"

"I get it! Totally, can relate! Like right now, I've bought these tomatoes for Sasuke. Like who eats raw, whole tomatoes, right? But I've bought them anyway!"

"Why did _you_ buy tomatoes for _Sasuke_?"


	21. My Perogative

**Letters From Nii-San**

_~ My Perogative ~_

Naruto opened his mouth to say something but Sakura suddenly cut him off with a smile. "What am I saying?" she said, tapping her own forehead with a gloved hand. "You two are best friends!"

"Best friends, you know that that's what me and Sasuke are! Buddies, pals, _bros!_ And what's wrong with casually doing groceries for your best friend?" proclaimed Naruto as he silently prayed to whatever deity granted him mercy from having to explain himself.

"Anyway, Naruto, I need your help. If someone were to ask you to tell them everything you knew about Sasuke, what would you tell them?"

"I'd tell them that they needed to get a life."

"Naruto!"

"Seriously! I mean, Sasuke's about as interesting as a sack of potatoes. I'm so much more interesting! Also, it depends on who's asking. If it was a fan girl or something, Sasuke would probably lynch me if I told that person so much as his favorite food."

"I see. Well, pretend it's someone writing a biography on Sasuke-kun's life."

"Who the fuck would want to do that?"

"ARGH! Naruto! Hypothetically?"

"Oh, ugh. Well, Sasuke's full name is Sasuke Uchiha. His entire family was killed by his older brother Itachi because of some fucked-up order he received. He'd always been a bit of a loner, even before then, but after that, he became quite moody and closed off. He still doesn't like people very much and it takes him a while to open up but when he does care for people – he's really protective and intense and his Sharingan activates. He trains really hard all the time and knows a bunch of ninjutsu – especially fire and lightning type attacks and he's also really good with snakes. Blegh. Toads are so much cooler.

"Slugs are the best."

"What?"

"Nothing! Continue!"

"Umm. He's great with sword-fighting and genjutsu but he's not too shabby with taijutsu... Or any other type of fighting style. BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE A SAGE MODE. SO THERE. HA."

"Naruto! I know all of that. I meant like... As a person."

"Hmm. Sasuke's actually really funny when he wants to be. It's a dry sense of humor that's slightly offensive at best, but it's hilarious. He has a really cute laugh, actually, the few times he uses it."

"...Wait, what?"

"He doesn't like being around a whole lot of people because he feels like everyone judges him for the things he's done and been through – but he'd never say so. He likes to think he's really secretive and stuff, but he isn't really. If you know him well enough, you can tell when he's lying or emotional by the angle of his mouth and eyes. That's because he adores his brother more than absolutely anything and aspires to be like him. But Sasuke's his own person. He moves fast – in all aspects, whether it be as a leader, a friend, a ninja and he's actually more brash than most people think. He's got a one track-mind," here Naruto took a break to giggle, "but he's actually pretty _vanilla. _Very realistic, kinda pessimistic and not much in terms of dreams, visions or passion - Sasuke's like an indoors kind of cat person!"

"...Naruto, I-I"

"He pouts when he doesn't get his way sometimes, and his nose scrunches up like a little kid but he's actually quite considerate when he wants to be. He's never pushy or anything and he always respects privacy but he's terrible with people. It's actually hilarious – he's got all these fans fawning over him and the guy doesn't do anything with them! If I were him, I'd call my fans the Uzumaki army and make them put on parades of ramen-filled awesomeness. Yeah, he's a little oddball that Sasuke. He dresses like crap too, with his rope belts and weird ass man-skirts – urgh – and he thinks he's so cool too! He's such a girl! Like, have you seen his hair? Just kidding, it stands up like that in the rain too... Meh, well it's Sasuke, and he's always had a couple of screws up in his head loose despite everyone thinking he's so perfect and shit and those little nuances of his – like the way he can't go to sleep unless all the doors are closed – are the things that make him, _him, _I guess. That and his weird hatred for sweets. Like seriously? Who hates sweets?"

"NARUTO!"

"BUT SAKURA-CHAN! That's it! There really isn't anything left to say about Sasuke. He's such a bore."

"Naruto, that's not wha-what I mea-meant," whispered Sakura, turning her head so she faced away from her companion. She did not want him to see the tears in her eyes.

But Naruto was smarter than what most people gave him credit for. With gentle steps, he came up behind Sakura and put a re-assuring hand on her shoulder. "...Sakura-chan? What's the matter?" he asked.

Sakura was silent for a little while, allowing herself a couple of minutes to let the most uncontrollable tears out before re-collecting herself. She turned around in his grip and looked up at him with a watery smile. "So, I guess Ino was never really my competition, eh Naruto? I've heard that voice before – from my own mouth and I know what it means. Actually, it makes a lot of sense with how close you two have always been," she said.

Naruto sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. He mentally braced himself for the impending explosion but refused to say anything.

Sakura sighed too but she brought up her unoccupied hand to rest on his chest. "I'm not mad at you, Naruto. I know better than anyone that feelings can't be helped. I just wish that-" she cut herself off and sighed again. "I just wish that things could be different. That you could love Hinata and Sasuke would love me and that everything would be okay."

Naruto did not know what to say. "Th-that's it?" he stuttered out.

Sakura nodded. "I love Sasuke, Naruto. But, the things that you said about him – I hadn't ever realized and I'm not stupid enough to see that I clearly don't know him as well as I thought I did and I'm not going to deny that."

Naruto cracked a smile but that was quickly wiped off his face when he met his first crush's hard glare.

"Don't think that I'm just going to hand him over to you, though, Naruto. You guys aren't good for each other, Sasuke can't revive his clan with you, he probably doesn't even like you and the council would never vote for a gay Hokage."

Sakura marched up to her front door and inserted the key. She turned around one last time. "But no matter what, Naruto. I...I still... You're still my... We'll be okay," she strangled out at last before quickly entering her home.

As Naruto walked back to his own home, he wondered what the fuck just happened.

* * *

Arms full of groceries, the Uzumaki finally reached his apartment hoping to find some normalcy but he should have known better than to find anything normal related to the Uchiha brothers.

Sasuke was holed up in his bedroom while Itachi stood outside the door with an amused expression. The older Uchiha leaned on the doorframe as he spoke. "Otouto, don't be so unreasonable," he said calmly. "I mean, you saw me when I died, you saw me when I was revived and you saw me disappear again! You couldn't have really thought I was alive and secretly stalking you in Konoha – that's ridiculous, Sasuke."

Naruto's groceries dropped to the floor. It was soon accompanied by his jaw.

Sasuke slowly emerged from behind the doorframe with narrowed eyes. "So," he started, "Some sealed away part of you just sprang out of your journal just to give me false hope?"

Itachi smiled with gentle eyes. He poked his younger brother on the forehead. "Of course not. That would be cruel and a waste of chakra."

"Then what's going on?" hissed Sasuke.

"I am merely a sealed shadow clone set to appear if you achieved success on your boyfriend mission," he replied.

"Why?"

"To do this." With that, Itachi appeared directly before a puzzled-looking Naruto and activated his Mangekyou Sharingan. Naruto barely had time to react before he was caught in the elder's genjutsu.

Sasuke rushed over to the pair but he was too late. Naruto let out a short scream before his lips quirked into a poor imitation of a smile. "O-Of c-course, I-Itachi..." he managed weakly.

"Good! I'm glad we understand each other, Naruto-kun," replied Itachi, spinning around to face an enraged Sasuke."WHAT DID YOU DO?" he yelled, wrapping an arm around the traumatized blonde

Itachi merely smiled and clasped his hands together. "My duties," he said with a smirk. He pulled the two boys close and ruffled their hair. "Don't do anything stupid" he added as he kissed Sasuke's cheek. He shifted over to do the same for Naruto. "Or else," he finished quietly, voice kept low so that Naruto was the only one who heard him.

He pulled back and smiled brightly, a foreign expression on his handsome features before disappearing with the tell-tale smokescreen of a clone dispulsion.


	22. Kakashi's Idea

**Letters From Nii-San**

_~ Kakashi's idea ~_

Naruto's eerily maintained smile broke into an open-jawed, golf-ball-eyed expression of terror. Gulping down mouthfuls of air, the blonde backed up against a wall and sank to the floor.

Sasuke sank down with him and clutched Naruto's face between his own hands. With a gentle but firm tone he asked, "What did he say to you, Naruto? Tell me!" But Naruto was too freaked out to say anything. He wordlessly wrapped his arms around the Uchiha and rested his forehead against his neck.

Eventually, the blonde reigned in his breathing and glanced up at Sasuke. "Your b-brother put me in a genjutsu... In the g-genjutsu, he filleted my skin off with a k-katana and tossed each piece into a vat of nail polish remover! Then he burned the whole pot with a fire style jutsu! IT HURT SO FUCKING MUCH, I CAN'T EVEN... And then when he was d-done, he put me back together! And then he made this o-other genjutsu where I was tied to a t-table and there were Z-Zetsus all around me. And then he made them cut me up and eat me like s-steak!"

Sasuke gripped Naruto tightly as he started trembling again, trying to control the anger bubbling inside of him. "Why the hell would he do that?! Has he gone mad?!" he wondered aloud.

"He even s-said that he would find a way to rise from the d-dead, put me in a genjutsu and make me live out various t-torture scenarios for the rest of my life!"

"WHY?"

"In case I ever hurt you."

"..."

"..."

"That hypocritical son-of-a-bitch."

"You know, Sasuke that insult doesn't really work if you use it on your biological brother."

"...Shut up, dobe."

"And to be honest, you should have been expecting it," called Kakashi from the sofa. Kakashi had decided that his desire for watching SasukeXNarutoXSasuke porn was greater than that of his disturbance at seeing Gai and Lee chest bump and had decided that he could go grab a bite to eat while Sasuke cleared the room of his suitors through the threat of Amaterasu or something. He had entered the room just after Naruto started re-counting the genjutsu Itachi put him through but was smart enough to piece together what had probably happened.

Sasuke and Naruto didn't even react – completely used to their sensei's behaviour by now."Why?" they asked in unison.

"It's the customary older-brother, 'If-you-fuck-with-my-younger-brother/sister-I-will -kill-you' speech."

"And you would know this, how...?" pushed Sasuke.

"Icha Icha isn't just porn, you know – I learned it in there. You know, there are highly perceptive societal tropes in here!" said Kakashi, with a slightly higher voice as though he was concerned that the boys were judging him for his choice in literature.

But they were _long_ past that point.

"Oh please, as if-" started Naruto but-

"SOOO, how did it go with Sakura?" he was interrupted by Kakashi, attempting to veer the conversation into another less judgemental direction.

Naruto paled but then quickly rubbed the back of his head and grinned in that friendly, endearing way of his. "Oh yeah, I totally forgot!" he said far too casually for it to be normal.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "You did go see her right? Because so help me God, if I had to go through that entire ordeal at the restaurant with her and in this apartment with those idiots just to have you-"

"NO! I did go see her and she knows that I like you..."

"But _you _didn't confess?"

"Well, she asked me to tell her everything I knew about you, and after I did, she kind of got real quiet and asked me if I liked her – and I wasn't going to lie or anything, so I didn't say anything that would indicate that I didn't like you or that I didn't not like you..."

Sasuke was quiet for several minutes "Naruto, you've got to be more ex-" he began, but the words withered away when he say the tears fill in Naruto's expressive blue eyes.

"I know, more explicit! A-And I shouldn't be feeling this miserable, Sasuke, I shouldn't. I mean, it's not like I _stole _you away from her or anything, you never liked her like that... You liked me." (Their eyes met for just a moment as if to confirm that that was in fact, true – which it was) "And I know that she would never consider me if you liked her back but STILL_!"_

Here Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hands in his own and leaned forward to press their foreheads together. "When she confessed to me that she liked me instead of you, it hurt because I hate being lied to but now I realize she did it to protect me, in her own way. And, I have so few people that I really, _genuinely _care about, and even less who reciprocate the feeling that I don't want to hurt them in any way possible! I mean, this relationship of ours, is only what, a few days old? And even though it would kill me to do so, I could live without it – liking and admiring you from afar like I've been doing for so long, but if she turns to hate me, I-I don't know what I would do. Sakura, you, Kakashi sensei, Iruka sensei.., and how could I forget Pervy Sage-" here Naruto giggled a bit – eyes not entirely focused for a moment, "Are my everything. The little parts of me and I'd rather lose an arm than one of you. "

Kakashi wondered if he should remove his forehead protector, to properly wipe his Sharingan eye – it always cried the most and if his regular eye was tearing up, then he could probably start an aquarium behind the headband

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something but Naruto pressed a finger to his lips.

"And don't you dare ask me _why _I feel this way, I just _do. _I'm the usuratonkachi, remember? Nothing I do makes any sense," he said with a watery smile.

Sasuke smirked back, closing his eyes, and gently bumping his forehead on the blonde's. "You're too nice for your own good, Naruto, you idiot... But I don't believe she would have been that cruel, – what did she actually say?"

"Huh?" Naruto pulled back from Sasuke and racked his brains trying to remember the exact words (failing miserably, by the way) but he remembered the gist of it. "She said that no matter what happened between us two; she and me would always be okay! She also said that she wasn't going to hand you over to me that easily!" he said the last part with a light blush.

Here, Sasuke flushed too, but his flush was out of anger rather than embarrassment. "Why does everyone think that they can somehow _win _me over? Like we're all on some reality TV show where I pick my romantic interest based on how expensive the flowers they buy me are?"

"I don't know Sasuke, you do have a sort of damsel-in-distress vibe about you," Kakashi contributed helpfully.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Please. Flowers, chocolates and all that other crap are cheesy as fuck. I wonder what kind of dumbasses fall for that kind of-" but Sasuke never got to fully express himself because he was interrupted by too indignant punches.

Kakashi and Naruto were the kind of 'dumbasses' that fell for that shit, thank you very much.

"Besides _that_," said Sasuke, fixing the two light-haired men with glares, "Now that Sakura knows that you like me. And that I'm gay – what _more _can we do? There is literally nothing more that you or I could say to her to make her change her mind, even Itachi couldn't think of anything."

Naruto winced. "And that guy can think of _anything_. Like seriously? A Zetsu buffet? WHAT KIND OF DRUGS DO YOU HAVE TO BE ON TO EVEN THINK OF THAT?"

As Sasuke consoled the blonde as he went on another bout of terror-induced shaking, Kakashi raked a hand through his hair and sighed. "Damn, and I thought I'd get some live action yaoi tonight, too!" he whined. "And if only Sakura would just recognize the undying feelings of-"

"LIVE ACTION YAOI?!" screamed Naruto, pointing an accusing finger at the tall jonin. "You pervert!" But then he quieted down a bit. "Although, I have to admit, I wouldn't mind watching that either..."

"Wait undying feelings? Wait, what-?"

However, Kakashi chose to ignore his two pupils. "Oi, Sasuke. You and I have to go on a mission tonight remember? It'll take a few days. Maybe in that time Naruto can hook Sakura up with someone so I can have my yaoi," he said. With another sigh, the silver-haired man leapt out of the window.

"YEAH!" screamed Naruto, punching the air. "If we can get Sakura into an awesome relationship, with someone even cooler than you – and I mean, che, how hard could that be? You don't smile all that much and your jokes are subpar at best! This will be easy!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "_Sure _it will, I mean it's not like everything _else_ we tried failed spectacularly... How are you even in ANBU?"

Naruto pouted and scrunched his eyes up, offended by the remark. "Hmph! Just get ready for your mission, you lowly _jonin,_" he retaliated.

Naruto was never any good at retaliations.

"You do realize we're like the same ra-? I mean, yes, Uzumaki-_sama_," said Sasuke, voice dripping with sarcasm as he even bowed his head over-dramatically.

Naruto gaped like a dead fish but he said not a word.

Sasuke eventually raised his eyes once he realized that the blonde wasn't going to scream 'TEME,' or 'SCREW YOU,' or something of that nature. "What's the matt-?" he began, but it immediately became strikingly obvious what the matter was.

He had an erection.

"What!? Master/Slave is hot!"

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry for the ridiculously late update, you guys! The stress of finally figuring out what I want to do with my life has been like a dark cloud hanging over my head and I haven't had any motivation to do anything because of it :P

Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter even though it had like zero SasuNaruSasu smexiness, but it will soon! I found humor easier to write than romance so sometimes I find it hard to strike a good balance especially with the plot!

Alerts/Favorites = Os! Reviews = Xs!

Love, Katie3

*P.S. Check out my opinion poll on OCs on my profile!


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